A Confused World

There are just too many things I do not understand.

Earlier, I was talking to my MD with regards to some work issues and he was ranting about how he's finger-pointed at when things go wrong. While I was quick to suggest that the root of problems are clear, he looked at me and went, "Frances, things do not always work on facts...."

And so, he went on and on about the ironies of the world while we stood, watching him dump his Fortune magazines. I was so tempted to ask if I can clear them off for him instead.. geez.... what waste... they could make some good toilet entertainment... =p

Oh, where were we?

Yes. What perplexing world we live in.

More often than not, I have unwittingly become a bystander, making observations and trying to make sense of what this complex world entails. I guess I must have been a little dim...

"things do not always work on facts..."
Sounds so logical, yet incomprehensible, I can't seem to grasp the formula idea behind it.

I mean.... They don't? Yah... they don't always work on my supposed logic sometimes.... but what are facts & logic then if they are not how things work by.... aiyah.... so confusing... gosh! if things don't work by them, then that defeats their definitions. Hence, they should not be what they are.... Huh?

See.. now I don't even know what I am talking about.
Oh boy... I am confused!
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Taking time to be thankful in yet another Yuletide...

Kinda hard to believe another year is drawing to a close.

Been really busied with series of activities & happenings the past weeks (which well explains the entry absence since..... more than a month back?) There seems to have been more of everything: some pleasant, while others..... ermmm... more challenging... and of course, there are the perplexing ones... (persistent trait of mine? or still not very savvy with time?)

It's X'mas eve, and really not a great time to be churning reports... Have hence decided to take a little time to say a thankful prayer for the goodness treading on 2006 had presented...

One, nicer Colleagues.

Not that the colleagues I'd met prior weren't nice... But I guess the batch who gathered over the last year had become more fun.... We had a little gathering with the colleagues out-of-the-office yesterday. While we played mass games & held small talks, it was heart-warming to know that there are colleagues who are willing to fellowship beyond professional relations to build friendships. Heaping work professionalism on friendships has its danger, but I suppose nurturing friendships out of work relations has a beauty of its own...

That brings point two: The friendships established with people who are willing to give me a boost when goings get tough over the year. Sure, things aren't always a bed of roses. And for one inept kid like me, things get even tougher than tough.

Thanks to people like EKH*, the more savvy guru who is always spot on with his observations & willing to share his thoughts and advices... And people like F, who would sing praises that helped ascertain my esteem... the power of good words really should not be undermined...

Of course, for the blessing of good girlfriends who would watch shows with me, hear me rant, talk to me, drop messages, & share their experiences with me. The affinity that was sealed had, I suppose, bonded even further with age.

With the advent of 2007, I cannot help but wonder what more is to come... I'd surely hope there are less perplexing happenings!
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Naive, Ingenuous, Old-Fashion.... *shrug* whatever....

And so, someone looked at me with suspicion and asked if I have been told of being naive... and idealistic...

I wonder if I should hold one synonymous to the other. hmmm.... anyway...

No. No. I am not offended, but I thought it interesting that anyone should say that of me... In any case, I think that frees me from complexity, artifice and the pretentiousness of the world.. and I actually think that sounds great! Okay, that's probably living out of the realm of the practical world, but who cares, really?

Who wants to live in a dog eat dog world where your ears get snapped at if you were to be just a tad careless... If being alienated from the guile and sham of the world, can make anyone any happier, I'll love to be it.

It may be the IN thing to be the highly effective person, but.... Call me ingenuous, (or be mean and call me an old fogey escapist) but I think it's ingenious to live in a little ideal and pampered world where I do not have to try means striving to be that most effective being, functioning in what is called the practical world...

I guess my utopia is a tad different from the others then. While everyone is pursuing the IN labyrinth, the oddball's pursuit is in effective felicity...
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A Blissful start

Yesterday marks the start of my embarking on the start of another year in my life. In face of stepping past quarter-life... Should I, like Hong, subscribe to self-psyche 24, 24, 24? or be like CJ, convinced that the term mid-twenties equals 25, 26, 27, 28 & 29? Woo....perplexing number interpretations.... anyway....

Although I was half in dread at the prospect of turning my back on the last Q, and entering the new one, the phasing in to the other side was surprisingly pleasant. Thanks to the thoughtfulness of EKH, a group of people was gathered to do a little German dinner on Friday with cheer. The delights of the evening dispelled the dread of having to decide how to take on the two and past 5 ageing figure.

Nothing beats a good company. My heart's deepest appreciation goes to the people who had accompanied me through Friday and Saturday to spend a little time. BIG thanks to my good friend, Hong, for spending the whole half of the Saturday with me in glee even though bogged with tireness from your other commitments... Girlfriends are really fantastic beings.... And of cos, to SH too for travelling down from Seng Kang... Hong told me it ain't that on-the-way really.... so yes, I do think I owe you one big THANKS too!

For a long time since school time, I have never felt as remembered. Really, at that moment's freeze, the thoughts and the little touch of love communicated had bless me greatly.

The unanticipated showers of little gifts - from girlie stuffs like chains & pendant, Bloom toiletries that cannot be found in S'pore, and a bag, to a book & gadget-y MuVo for pleasure - had sure been overwhelming. Not forgetting too, the cards and texts that came in on the day actual...

It seemed that the new Q started on a blissful note (at least for me) and I do hope the good start will sustain through the coming days. It would never have been possible if not for the affection of the people who tread on the path with me. Thanks a bunch, Everyone!
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Closing the end of my Q-life

By the next weekend, I will have to close the chapter on my quarter life, and proceed on to start the next Q. Although in the face of turning away from 25, I still feel every much a sophomore. Oblivion, ignorance and rawness seem to have gotten stuck and sealed pretty comfortably, refusing to wean off..

Was at a gathering with a few Uni classmates last week. Everyone seems so grown up, with conversation topics revolving round getting flats, renovations, and (gasp!) pre-natal classes... I was even corrected for making politically wrong statements, that well, just came to mind and shot out of my mouth without much considering... Sometimes, it is really tiring to have a thing too many to consider....

Before long, I was in half-comatose mode, crippled from picking up points they were making. I guess I was in a way, unable to imagine myself at that point of time, being so "grown-up". Has it been pure mal-nutrition? Or the complacency that comes with being in the comfort zone that has caused impedence to my quest in reaching the levels of my peers?

Ah well... too much to think... I guess I am really just a simple little girl within. Glad to be secluded from the complexities of the world. It always seem to me that reality is hidden away in a fog. The intricate yet perplexing world of the human world bewilders me and makes me cautious about lying on any false serenity. Yet, being able to exist in security-quintessence without having to be penalised for my carelessness is my greatest desire.

Harassed by the different direction pulls between the expectations of treading in the grown-up world in the next chapter, and being at peace with inert, I guess I am sounding increasingly confused as an all-glitched-up girl.

Well, I guess I cannot stop what's coming. Carpe Diem is the way to go for time passes whether one likes it or not. And it goes without any chance for "constructive regrets". Hence, I think I should make my life count. Going on, I guess I still want to be a guileless child at heart, as I pop my head in to understand what that grown-up world entails. Careful only to let my life be a blessing, and not be sapped into morasses...
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The Lions may roar, but I guess I am still lack of no good things...

At a really short notice, I was sent packing on my first biz meeting across the Pacific through the last two weekends. Prior to my trip, everyone's asking if I was excited then. Frankly, I was then with mixed mix feelings as I prepare for the trip... Well, there was, of course, some sort of excitement and trepidation at the uncertainties. Then, there was, looming on top, a stormy dark cloud of unhappiness from fellow colleagues who did not think it reasonable at all that I should leave. Seriously, I do not mind the former feelings , but the latter was what affected me most.

Sensing my depressed and despaired mood, I am glad I have yet another group of colleagues & friends who would spend time to hear my grievances. Sometimes, I look back and think if it is right, for I will inevitably turn bitchy and affect their impressions of other parties mentioned in my rant, but to have the channel to pour things out was indeed comforting - at least at that moment. That vent kinda calm me down a little and disallowed me to channel energies in trying to go round in negative circles within.

As there was just two girls being sent out for the meeting this time, the concerns from fellow colleagues was more apparent than usual. We had different colleagues coming up to us with various advices, maps and reminders. Even up till late evening before our departure, we had printed maps, lists of places to go and texts sent our way. Through the trip, the two clueless girls received more tips from emails and texts. Boy, the feeling was endearing ...

I am glad that HShan was my travel companion this time, cos we kinda give each other courage to turn gung-ho and maximise our exposure through the short stint. It helped also that we share the same sweet tooth.

Looking back, even though there was roaring displeasures that haunted me at the advent of my trip, things just turned out fine with the love and concerns showered by many others who cared. Gus & Ting reminded me once more last week that things may get tough, but I still do have people who are concerned. Their very statement was in itself, great pacifying lift to whatever darkness I was feeling then... Thanks, people,

I think I am a blessed gal. Period.

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The heart of the matter is the matter of the heart

Last Sunday's sermon topic was "A Season for Marriage". Even as I thought I'd probably be falling asleep over such a topic, the preacher has sensitively started the sermon with talks of how the singles should approach courtship and such. Okay... I've probably not been so touched by anyone worthy thus far, but who knows? It may become applicable one day... I think I've still got some charm, right? (I'd hope) Better straighten my back and listen well...

In the sermon, he mentioned something about the traits to look for in the search of the better half.

One of the traits he mentioned was that of self-sacrifice. He encouraged the single ladies to look out for the single guys who would later stay back after the service to help move the chairs (we are at a borrowed school compound currently, you see, so it is essential to be considerate and return the place in its original conditions after Sunday).

The interesting phenomenon that followed thus was unbelieveable: A lot more people than usual stayed back after the service to help move the chairs. There were so many people hanging around the hall that I have a bit of problem maneuvering my way out of the place. (I've never liked staying in crowds, you see...)

Anyway, I think these people have missed the whole point.

The actions of self-sacrifice should find its springhead from the heart, without any ulterior motives to gains of anything in particular. The heart of the matter is really, the matter of the heart. It is really not what one does at that instance to prove anyone anything. Fact is, I never believed in proving anyone anything. Whatever one does, it should be because he/she really think he'd want to do it. Else, one may turn grossly disappointed or bitter because an un-met expectation was involved.

A good friend had a huge crush over a colleague some time back. That experience kinda weighed her down a lot then. Along the way, she realised however, that there was yet another colleague who is always patiently listening to her, and admolishing her at other times, but out of genuine concern and care. I believe it was this relentless TLC that made her go kinda "warm and fuzzy" (quoting her today *wink*) inside over time.

No. It's not easy at all. Human being humans, we are more self-centred than we'd like to think we are. More oft, we have our own little hidden agendas when we make efforts to execute what seemed a good deed. But how long can it persist?

That is why I am sometimes very put off by people who sashay around in the holy-joe garb. Everything that was done just have a double wham of negative vibes cos they were never that convinced of doing it. Weird how I do get pretty sensitive about such negative vibes... hah!

It is the works that spring from the commitment and motivation of lifting another person up that can stand through circumstances and time. What comes in return will be a gift in itself, sweeter than if hoped for or expected, I suppose....

Perhaps, I really do have a pretty high expectation on people, but please, there really is not need to crowd the hall if anyone is not really convinced of the obligations....

Saying Adieu....

We said adieu to a fellow colleague who had possibly found her better pastures on Friday. I say "possibly" cos she had not divulged much on her plans after leaving the company. Well, that said, it does seem that we ain't that THAT close actually. Afterall, I do not liaise with her a lot at work, if at all.

However, I still feel a tinge of down-heartedness bidding her farewell.. Recent months, we have been spending much time together as a group out of work, going out on dinners & gathering for activities. Though we do not express it that freely, an unspoken attachment and affinity had somehow been built with the clique over the after-lunch idle chats and playful squabbles. Detaching it suddenly just doesn't makes one feel that great.

At my last visit to my counterpart office in Penang, I was uncannily weighed by some sort of power struggle there. and boy... I was not even suppose to be a part of them! Aren't I glad hence, when it's time to pack my bag and move back after a dreadful two days being caught in scary struggles behind masking smiles. I do not think I can deal with those any longer than that.

Back home, I guess I can place things on the table, and not be caught in any suspicion that people have any ulterior plans to cause me distress. Ermmm... okay, maybe it's not right to be too definite about it, but well, so long I do not know anything otherwise, I guess I am fine...

Take Thursday for example. I was out with a group of fellow colleagues for a tom-yam lunch. As I have never fancied taking rice for lunches, I conveniently rejected the offer to the order, not suspecting that there is no substitute to go with the spice. When the orders came, I've got one colleague who picked up an empty bowl and extra cutlery for me, while another offered some servings of his rice for me.... all without the need for any nudges. Though we kinda laughed it off there and then, I was very much warmed deep inside by their thoughtfulness that had been concretely translated into actions. Being in a place with these people gives me great comfort and I think I am growing pretty attached to such a blessing.

Anyway, back to saying farewell....

Yes, 天下無不散宴席 - no banquets last forever - but it is still difficult to say aye to shifts. Especially so to people whom I've grown to be comfortable with. Haiz... saying goodbyes to familiarities is often to me, like bathos from sublime to a certain extent... Somehow, I will be plagued by a well of emotions and thoughts in such dreaded episodes. Nonetheless, exoduses are oft inevitable and learning to let go is a lesson to start practicing on.

Here's hoping that my colleague dearest will take care and do well in her future endeavors!
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Sleep, Sleep Galore

Haven't blog for almost 3 weeks... Some people thinks it may be a good sign cos that probably means that I've got little to rant about. But I think that's cos I've been a little too caught up with everyday activities, I'm having problem thinking... Most times, I am going through life's motion in a zombed mode.

Much as I do feel that driving oneself too hard is kinda unhealthy sometimes, there are more times when I feel really jittery when I don't check my emails or get on with the tasks sent through the wires.. can't let go.... and can't help but just had to on The Notebook even when home. Before I knew it, I am throwing in more freebies hours to my employer than they bargained for.

I am not particular about it. Afterall, I guess I am still young and can afford a little sacrifice. However, there are times when I feel my thoughts stifled (sounds like good thing that I can still feel... hmmm...) Wonder if it's just me or do people have such experiences too. Problem thinking and thus feeling sometimes... everything just seemed at some instances, mechanical to a certain extent.

To put a stop to this, I refrained from hovering near The Notebook the whole of the Saturday afternoon (save for the routine mail check in the early afternoon... yes, still can't let go...). Still, that required some effort... I think I have developed an addiction to The Notebook...

Spent the Saturday afternoon lazing around, reading the papers and bimbo magazines... Sunday afternoon was spent having sleep, sleep galore. Boy, I didn't know I was feeling so worn out until I had difficulties climbing out of bed after my long coverted nap.

I've been quite a sleepy-head since young. More so do I appreciate the goodness of sleep. Really. Being deprived of it, robs me of my ability to cogitate. I will hence resolve to kick my baneful addictions and get to have more sleep! Say Hurray to more SLEEP!
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Losing the cool....

Friday, the 18th -

Started off pretty well... I mean... well, Fridays are, afterall, supposedly the most looked-forward-to day.

However, this friday was spoilt by a meeting that refused to let me retreat from the day in peace. Well, I have nothing against long meetings, really. If the objectives are met, and the duties duly executed to ensure peace in the future, what's the harm of a little current sacrifice? Where I work, most people are gripped by a hard-boiled drive that few can rival. (ahem.... :p ) That is probably one of the reason why I think I really loved working with them.

Nonetheless, things are never ideal, and not everyone shares my sentiments. I guess I've got a little perfectionist freak in me that sometime overwhelms me against such people. This freak is intolerant, overbearing, impatient, and always refuses to take things a little easier. That's it! It just cause me to lose it..... and let control slip....

This is what happened:

We were having a little conference room pilot (aka CRP) on a new system change that is to be implemented. As always, there were imperfections. (Although I still cannot bring myself to buy that, this is supposedly perfectly normal and acceptable according to the MIS people.)

The exercise was held over two continents, with representatives from our counterparts overseas and in Singapore.

After being plagued by the numerous problems in the current database, I am actually pretty excited at the thought of a new system. One that will allow us to start on a clean, new slate. Lo and behold, however, I soon realised in the tests that similar (if not, worse) problems exist. The whole idea of having a session like CRP is to perform tests and ensure the program works to its perfection at least in the expected scenerios. Thing is, people are not willing to put high enough priorities on perfecting it.

Sure, some problems are apparent no show-stoppers at present. But have we not learnt from experience? The no-show-stoppers today often becomes the out-of-sync actors tomorrow that ruin the whole show... all because of the refusal to see the implications that come together with it so as to make the program look like a success. Even though the implications were an acknowledged fact, lines were drawn and situations contained to conveniently exclude them. To me, that defeats the whole objective of the CRP exercise to start with.

There came a point where there was yet another intent to walk over a problem with supposed walk-arounds that a fellow colleague found, based on a specific situation she encountered. Being an active user of the current system, and having been in numerous problem-solving sessions on the system, though I can't say that I know the system in its totality, I dare say however, that I am more familiar with the system implications than any of my team-mates. With that, I have my concerns on deciding walk-arounds based on a singular encounter that is not proven logically consistent. I did not think I should downplay anybody's finding and sought to try explaining or getting an explanation offline. I thought then as a sign of respect, I should obtain a consensus and better understanding internally first before presenting the case to the mass.

What I got instead was accusations that I have not read the log of the situation encountered. My team mate got grossly irritated, and voices were raised. I felt intensely wronged (and equally annoyed too) since I'd really thought I understood perfectly what happened. As I tried fighting my case, I found myself disabled of presenting my case eloquently. Fact is, my thought trend got disturbed in the turbulence and I subconsciously raised my voice over hers to push the thoughts... I started to make little sense, I suspect, and my image totally tarnished at that instance. All under the scrutiny of the colleagues from the other departments. Worse - point was not put acrossed... I was disrupted over and again and the point simply vanished.

As I finally cloistered out to try do a quick collection, she left under the approval of my boss, who was probably pretty bewildered at his two screaming bull-heads... It was only when I felt a sore in my throat later, did it dawn upon me that I've probably overdid it. When I apologised to boss thereafter for putting him at a spot, he gave me a lesson or two for not being able to handle the situation well enough...

I've to admit then that I've been too careless. An observer of the incident expounded later that none of us had allowed to let each complete our sentences and we simply jumped at each other. I just thought on hindsight that the circumstance then was simply too stressful for me to handle.

Indeed, I have failed to contain the scene and it was a failure on my end. Perhaps it is that mis-fitted prig in me that is acting, but after multiple reasonings within, I still cannot fault my point. Even after some tests, I'd still found my arguement proven valid. If only I can douse the fire and present my case across rightly and quickly enough then, instead of getting myself fuelled in the fiery exchanges....

With this, it seemed to suggest that I am a loser in garnering support of the people around. My initial gut that I was working with a group of people sharing the same drive is perhaps unfounded... I am even starting to have an uncanny suspicion that there are people there who hates me to the core. Whatever....

Well, best as I might try, but I guess life's like that... I can't always meet all the people I like and who will all like me....

How am I to present myself to these people then?
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I write.... An Exposé?

It seemed exposés are in these weeks. Stomp had the week's topic "I confess" running for two weekends now. I'd expected that the paid bloggers will spill guts, but well, behind the apparent candour, everyone still had nothing very intriguing to confess. That probably explains why the week's (note: not weeks') topic had to go on running...

I'd hence decided to write my own little confession. An exposé of some sort. But not exactly too. It's the means that justify the end, and I am putting this in writing, not so much to bore, but to discover myself...

People walk in and out through the last quarter century of my life, and I must say I really appreciate the chances we had to have the brushes... It's through the exchanges I pick up lessons, and sometimes, learn more about myself.... Well, as a book title say, "As Iron Sharpens Iron, One Man sharpens Another".... That's true to an extent.

Had an opportunity last Tuesday to have a little talk with EKH. Okay.. i'd confess it was kick-started by a miscommunication and a little confrontation.... this is one of the few exceptional cases where I allow a hearing. Other times, I might have condemned without trial. I've always thought a loose word here and a careless whisper there is the most candid manifestation of a person's thoughts... Ermm... right, that did not sound very pleasant, but well, in any case, I'm glad the incident did not lead to any catastrophe...

I've always kinda enjoyed talking to EKH. (yes, yes, if you are reading this, this is not to inflate your ego. It's true.) Half the time, I find myself picking a lesson or two from a more savvy senior. As he realise his dream of being a psychologist-counsellor on the people he meets, he took time expounding on the kind of person I am after the exchange... He confirmed the retarded neurontransmitter patterns that exist in my being. The consolation according to him, is that when I articulate my thoughts in writing, the slow neurons will steadily fall into place and rationalised reasons will steer my thoughts towards a stubborn belief that things are never as bad as it always seem. With that, he urged me to try analysing the whole incident again - probably in hope to prove him innocent of the insult I'd initially thought he had thrusted on me.

Well, my anger was quelled after the talk. Let's just say I've got to give him some credit for taking time to humor my little insecure soul with what seemed sincere and sensible enough talks. However, I was not about to be taken in by everything he says. The impulse connections in my brain may have a little more seams than the others, and synapses may be retarded (that, I acknowledge), but I'd still like to do my own review.

Hence, I came back, and had a little recap on my blog entries to ascertain the pattern he concluded. It was not so much as to prove his innocence or such, since I am no longer too upset about what happened (yea... so much for being fickle sometimes... but if it's for betterment, why not?), but I am curious to know if I am truly what he perceives of me - the tough and headstrong gal.

And so it goes, after chewing on my blog entries, I found it's kinda true that I often register a neutral, if not sometimes, positive note to end my entries. (That which he observed.) But in retrospect, I guess it is not so much as that I have that perservering and adamant spirit. On the contrary, it's just my way of attempting to convince myself that if I'd keep on believing even when situations may be a grieve, all things will eventually go well...

I'd confess hence that I am not as unyielding as anyone may have perceived me to be. I still do have my doubts and my anxieties.To end each episode with a positive note is my way to assuage distresses and spur myself on with self-encouraging words. Let's face it, it's not everyday I get to meet people who would care less, much less be perspicacious and be empathetic about how I feel. If I'd wait around for such people to appear, I would probably have spiralled down the multiple dungeons of depression, never to resurface again....

Whatever... Just as I fault people for not being sensitive to me, I guess I've been pretty careless with other's emotional needs as well. With this, I've learnt a lesson thus....

In dreams you will lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The dream of your wish
Will come true...

~~ Jerry Livingston~~

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Meeting up with the galfriends...

An initiative. A few sms-es. And *phoof!* a meet-up was arranged and realised. We have been talking about doing this for some time (not quite as long as the one that Vick and CJ wanted to plan for the class though)... anyway, yah, Kong managed to get us all out for dinner on Friday evening.

Really appreciate everyone's effort. I mean, I can see everyone's really tired after a whole week and day's work, but we still made it to meet up.

Chew was being harassed by students over the phone even through the dinner. (yes, not easy being a teacher nowadays). Tan has her floor plans in her folder she had in her arms. (Bet she has got unfinished work.) And Myself? I have been so busy during the week, sometimes only sleeping near dawn, that I haven't been really able to get round replying Hong's texts all the time (sorry about that!). Everyone's has their own set of distractions vying for their attention. Nonetheless, we've made it! Ermm... I was utterly late though... (well, at least, I've made the effort to put aside unfinished work and made it to leave the office...)

Everyone's still every much the same.... It's quite a delight to find everyone still untainted and as guileless as before. It was just great! Tan thinks we looked every much the same, while Hong begs to differ with mentions that we are probably prettier. Haha.... see, even our conversation topics are still so innocuous.. and Kong, still as animated, has her kawaii image kept pretty well even though we are all past quarter-life... It was a little different from meeting up with the secondary school friends where they simply talk about boyfriends' names, jobs and whatnots...

Hmmm..., perhaps that's cos we've already known Chew's bf for some time, and Kong is already so familiar with him, that she's planning ways to sabo him on their wedding day when it comes... and the others? we've got no boyfriends to compare at the moment... well, I guess, even when the time comes when we each meet our better halves, there is unlikely to be much of those unhealthy comparisons...

In retrospect, it was an unexplanable affinity that brought us together when we were students, and I am glad that we have not taken it too much for granted and have kept up at it all these while.... Thank you for your time, people, it was great meeting up with you!
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I ain't supergirl, but I will still make things work even if there ain't chivalrous men around.

There is this thing about Singaporean men that is a tad annoying. Can't quite blame me that I find few men impressive, really. There is just a lack of graciousness and chivalry in them...

Was at a meeting on Wednesday, and as I tucked and pulled the screen to gain access to the whiteboard behind it, I had a whole group of guys seated behind, arms crossed and slumped on the chair, looking on. And just as ting2 chided the guys for not helping, guess what I heard?
"No need lar... she's a 女強人... she can do it one..."

No, yours truly is no supergirl. I will make things work because I have to somehow since I've got no help. But that is not the point. That was just a typical manifestation of how our boys are being brought up: utter insolence...

tsk...tsk... whatever.... I still did manage to pull the screen up all by myself... it just took a mere more effort...
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For the Sun will rise, and the Moon will set. Learn how to settle for what you get...

@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@

Some people like to think they'd want to be alone - I'd sometimes too.
Dishevels occur when lives are met, and destinies intertwined.
True, humans are no blameless breed,
But good things can happen from the meet.
For how it sets,
Lies much on how we settle for what we get.

@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@~#~@

Let me be the oddball in my little corner

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

How Weird Are You?

I just can't stand people who sit beside me and start offering sweets and irrelevant small talks during church services. Fact is, I get totally uncomfy with strangers who try to get too near at the wrong time. Thank you, but I think I'd appreciate more concentration and time of reflections on my own... am I weird? am I odd?

Oh yes... maybe... let me be odd then. Let me be weird. But please spare me, for I'd prefer to be left in my little quaint corner sometimes....

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A Feel-Good Thursday Evening

Since boss was out, and a vendor came in from overseas, I roped in a few people from the engineering team to join at dinner on Thurs evening. Contrary to what Hong always complain about her male engineering colleagues being insensitive to her as a lady in their midst, I am glad I have a team of really, really nice and chivalrous colleagues.

Going out with them, I just had to be seated in the car, not needing to worry about the stressful traffic conditions outside or the route to go, knowing that I will be in safe hands. I do not even have to worry about having no conversational topics, because they will have things to say to occupy the time. Over dinner, I was served attentively, even to the extent of having my prawns & crayfish peeled. (Although I do suspect it was because my colleague didn’t want his face splashed with more tomato gravy from the clumsy me…)

Nonetheless, I was made to feel a little pampered.

Well, if you’d think there’s any hidden agenda, you’d be terribly wrong cos they are all happily attached men. (ok… perhaps except for one whose status I am unsure of…but that is not the point...) In any case, that’s probably why they are happily attached in the first place!

I guess girls do need to feel like that, even if it was just a Cinderella experience. Look guys! See how your little acts of attentiveness can do so much! But hey, on the other side, it seemed that E* has raised the bar on my ideal!
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The Self-deluded Prince Charming

An ex-colleague whom I have not heard from called up early in the morning last Saturday. It started with casual talks of the happenings. Then out of the blue, he kinda hemmed-and-hawed, and asked of my impression of him. The conversation goes, and there came a part where he asked if I was ever interested in him. I was glad that I had then managed to maintain my poise and told him no (cos’ I don’t really know him that well) good-naturedly. I even went on justifying my ideals even though he kinda branded me point-blank that I was being conservative.

The retarded neuron signals only passed the current moments after I hanged up, and I started to feel a tad insult. I mean, hello! what was that call suppose to mean? Did he really expect me to say “yes, yes, you were so attractive”? Excuse me, I think I have met more attractive guys, and even if he is that attractive, I do think I have more pride than that! Not that he has ever done anything to at least try melt my heart or something... duh... And yes. I think I deserve better…

The ultimate self-deluded prince charming manifested with mentions of him not thinking I would ever meet any man that would feed my ideals in the company unless the company starts employing some really eligible guys. He probably thought he was the most eligible man I would ever meet.

Hah! Interesting what people think of themselves… Thinking back now, and soaking in some sense of humor, I should think such people are intriguing in their own ways...
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Take time to look up

I have always marvelled at the wonders of nature when I am on holidays. The skies overseas always look so enchanting. Actually, I never realised that it is not that bad at home.

I took the picture this morning as I was on my way to work. Look! Actually, our skies are just as nice too. Sometimes, all it takes is to look up and give thanks for the things we have been given... Even though it is a Monday....

Thank God for the new day!

Single 25 Attending a Fairytale Wedding

June 2006 seems to be a good time for weddings. Or is it just time that people my age are getting hitched?

Anyway…

I had the honor of attending a wedding with the… ahem, Hi-Life’s-dream-glam factor last Sunday evening.
How so?

• Wedding held at The Ritz
• Wedding with crowd made up of more tai-tais and white-haired businessmen than I’ve seen – congregated in reality, I mean.
• Wedding attended by guests flown in from overseas
• Wedding of glamorous magnificence and mega-gala factors – where resources didn’t seem like a constrain… (how many people get to have weddings where details such as a jazz singer singing by the grand piano at the ballroom entrance were arranged? Never mind people are more interested in checking each other out then to be enjoying the music.)
• Wedding of a rich boy (and my suspicion is a REALLY rich boy) and a pretty girl blissfully in love
• Wedding where the groom’s father publicly proclaim his family’s love and acceptance towards the newly wedded daughter-in-law
• The beautiful Bride confidently telling mum & dad that they no longer had to worry cos’ she’s going to be well taken care of by a good man
  

Sure, the riches of the family provided for a fairytale wedding function that evening, but I guess it is the planning effort too that came along with the resources that will be etched deeply in the memories of the couple. If you think weddings and no occasions are all that special or important, well, advocates of everyday-living-is-what-matters-most better have darn good memories to remember every of the 21,900 or more important every-days you live thus after the wedding at the end of life. Sure, everyday living is important, but so are the extra efforts that spice special days.

What stuck me most though was not so much the glam & glitz. Rather, it was the bliss the bride was in. How more loved will one feel than to be wedded into a family who declare they will love you? To be married to a husband who “can’t help falling in love with you”, and will promise to stand by you in everything? Such public displays of affection make one hopeful once again that characters like portrayals of Nic Fang’s persona in his columns (plus lotsa wealth) do exists.

If I too, can meet such a man who can feed my romantic ideals and fantasies…. But well, I guess that kind of feelings and connection is cultivated through time. With each passing day, I do concur with what Hong says about the probability percent going exponentially downhill.

But well, like mum said, if the uncle riding an old trishaw featured on the 晚報 can manage to strike it rich on his toto, so who can say what is impossibility? That, coming from a recalcitrant pessimist, I guess, I cannot rebuff, but to resign to hoping for the possible happening of THE DAY…. Well, as K might say, it’s not easy waiting for the appearance of the “golden tortoise* ” for they are probably a tad slow….

##"Golden Tortoise * " defined: The chap high on both the extrinsic & intrinsic worth.

That said, I might just add that simply having a fat wallet do not qualify one to be in the league of The Golden Tortoise... Well, at least in the definition of yours truly....
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Do wires give good EM waves?

See that mess of wires on my work desk? That came together with the LCD monitor that was newly added, supposedly to ease the overly-squinted eyes. Yes. I should be thankful for the welfare, but somehow, I've got problem getting past having my desk in shambles because of wires. Makes me feel cluttered... one time, i thought I should be able to plot some smith graphs and find the relations those wired have with bad fungshui since some experts say that fungshui is the study of EM waves...


Of course, it's probably not right to blame the wires entirely. Lately, work volume has been balloning. Papers are scattered all over in the cube.... hate to admit it, but I do feel out of control sometimes.

Although I am working more than 12 hours daily, I am still holding up my spirit.

Okay, to be honest, there was a time when I felt really shot down. I was and am working the hours, that (I suspect) even my own boss is not working while he is waiting to unload more stuffs.

I was talking to an associate one day and he was surprised at the scope of work I was covering. While looking at the title on my business card, he tried to offer other variations of designation titles that might fit the scope of my work coverage... He also sneered a little in jest when receiving emails from me at unearthly hours.

Then, I wanted to be an escapist. Everything just did not seem to be working out well:

• I do not see why I should be working until my eyes cried foul, tearless and dry, and the contact lens almost dislodge themselves.
• I do not see why I should continue working when the PC battery had gone low and screaming in protest to work.
• I do not see why I should be working too when it's the weekend and it's time to rest.

Well, things are still not working better at the moment. But let's just say I have got my thoughts ironed out. Being put in a challenging position has given me an experience that perhaps some will never have in their stable and defined 9-5 work routine. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and screaming "why?", I guess it helped to keep the spirit just a little higher. Well, afterall, it's good to have a little stretch sometimes. Wherever the limit, it's all in the mind. If I can get past that limit, I will be unfazed no matter what life throws at me thereafter. Things will surely get better... one day.... and it will.

Well, till that day comes, I'm just gotta do my best and gain whatever little experience that will add to build the bulwark of confidence.

To everyone out there who are feeling marginalised or demoralised by work, chins up! What can be too difficult? You may not see it, but there is a gain in all that you are going through... Perhaps, the wire clutter is emitting good EM waves and fungshui... hmmm....
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Back after almost 2 weeks' Silence

Just realised that my last entry was on 14-May, and today's 27-May. Okay, let's try to account for what happened the last 13 days.

Week of 14-May and after: In hypersonic mode at work
20-May: Worked till 2:30am.
20-May: Lingering at Changi Airport, waiting to fly away to goof-off time at 6:30am.
(Yes. No typo. Same day)

A week later now, it's pay-back time AGAIN.

26-May: Half a day spent clearing mails... Ermm... I just meant scanning them through to get the gist of the happenings through the week. Still in a sluggish mode. Actions can come later.

In fact, I think I've got things that I want to pen, but simply cannot gather my thoughts.... hmmm....

Putting the photos together seemed to take less efforts.... Looking at the pictures, I realised that I looked a little crappy. Well, that's what happens when one gets too busy before a vacation. No time to preen before going on a trip... even though I knew there's gonna be lotsa photo takings - mementos to which I am suppose to be remembered by.

Well, let's just say that I want to be realistic enough to be able to look back and remember that there are times when I do look a little.... ermm... more flawed.... =P
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Signature Icon for the last few weeks and weeks coming...

Busy. Busy. Busy.

Read in another blog that it's the tagline of newcomers in general to be super-duper hardworking. However, that will wear off and the enthusiasm will degenerate into ennui with time.... i guess the blogger meant that the accelerated speed of doing work will eventually retard as time spent at a workplace gets longer.

Almost a year later, I find myself in reverse to what the typical worker (in accordance to the forementioned) is likely to behave. Perhaps not out of own will, but circumstances seemed to have forced the speed to go faster. Everyone appears to want things done at presto!

Well, sometimes, i do hope that I can indeed press a button, and work will be done.... or if I can do a 變, 變, 變 and become four working persons instead of one.... hmmmm.... won't that be nice?
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Stick to What is known

Last evening was indeed perplexing. It just didn't seemed like my day.

After the bad show and some fruitless shopping around, Hong and I decided to calm our nerves with some sweet treats. We hence dropped by Häagen-Dazs at Raffles City shopping centre. However, considering the late hours, we finally decided to settle for some tea instead after browsing the menu.

The waiter cheerfully took our orders of NightCap and Petite-fleur (or smtg like that), and then asked us, wide-eyed, if it's fine that they serve the teas in pots.

Slightly stunned, we looked at her, blinked, and asked an equally absurd question: Is it a big pot? (i mean, how big a pot can you fetch for $6.50 at a place like Häagen-Dazs?)

She blinked and gave an equally stupid answer like, "No. The pot is a one-person serving."

I mean... duh.... her question, to start with, was uncalled for. I mean, yah, one-person serving for each tea, there were two of us, and we ordered two teas, so, is that not right?

The teas came in nice clean glass pots. (I like clean looking pots!)

The puzzling thing was, Hong's teapot came without a cover. The waiter (or maybe he's the manager there, since he was in a different uniform) explained that they had broken the cover.
At first, that seemed forgiveable. But on second thought, we can't help but wonder why they can't use another teapot cover for the teapot they are serving.

We hence decided to try it out. Took the cover on my teapot and tried fitting it to Hong's teapot. And it fitted perfectly. I mean, of course, the teapots looked the same to begin with. We just wanted to confirm our suspicion and make sure there aren't some extra catch or something not visible to our myopic eyes.

Why can't they replace the cover from another teapot's? *Perplexed*

Haiz.... the only reason we can come up with is that perhaps they've only got two teapots in the outlet.... or maybe ordering teas at Häagen-Dazs was a mistake. We should have kept to the convention and maybe have an ice-cream instead....

Lesson of the day: Just stick to what is known.

That means...
#1 - If a show is not well-known, it's probably bad.
#2 - Just keep to ordering ice-creams at Häagen-Dazs.
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High prices for a Super Budget Production

Watched the worst, budget musical today.
And yes. It cost me $80. Not very budget.
$80 can last me 16 workdays, if we work that on a $3 budget meal, with $2 for transport. Considering that we are working a 5-day week, 16 workdays works out to 3 weeks and a day.
And what did I do with that? Splurged that on watching some (not exactly handsome) man engaging in sexual acts with some (equally lousy) actresses without the sizzle.

Oops!

****

Love, Love changes everything:

Hands and faces,

Earth and sky,

Love, Love changes everything:

How you live and

How you die...

Love will turn your world around,

And that world will last forever...

Aww…. Don’t you think those lyrics are utterly romantic?

Having had a busy and hectic workweek, I was kinda looking forward to the Aspects of Love musical this weekend. But lo and behold, I was slapped with disappointment after disappointments during the show.

How bad can it be? Let’s just say it’s REALLY, REALLY, REALLY BAD!

#1: Entering the theatre, we were slapped with an unusual silence. That’s weird, cos usually, you will have the orchestra doing their tuning prior to the show.

Needless to say, there was no orchestra. Only two dull pianos.

No doubt, the pianists were pretty good. However, having just two pianos simply fail to swell the atmosphere. The mood was just not right – and I mean through the entire show!

If that is not bad enough, we have #2 to (gasp!) #6.

#2: The lead man singing those lines above were quite obviously devoid of the emotions & passions those lines are suppose to convey. He was obviously unable to feel what the character ought to feel. He’s just….. not into the character! And it seemed to me that he was not the only one… (not that there are a lot of characters to begin with.)

#3: No backdrops. No costumes. Set in the 1940s, how can the cast dress like any o’ Filipinos you see on the street today? How can the furniture from Barang-Barang stands as prop to set the French scene at that time? (And mind you, they are sponsored) My gosh! What audacity they’ve got to come on stage with just that, and claim it a musical (and charge $80 for the cheapest tix)!

#4: Off pitch singing. What can be worse in a musical production, especially when it did not only happen only once or twice? Without an orchestra, the burden will be on the casts to sing even better. But… but... but the singing of the casts were like… not the least melodious or in tune - often missing beats and pitches!

#5: Lousy storyline. This is the first time I am watching Aspects of Love. Having heard and read the lyrics on “Love changes everything”, I’ve imagined it to be a really romantic one. Well, even the Sistic synopsis says it's "one of the most romantic and passionate shows in the world". More than being over-rated, it's sad to say, however, that the plot did not drum Aspects of Love at all. On the contrary, it seemed to me that “Aspects of Lust” appeared to be a more appropriate title.

#6: Sitting beside a couple (I guess) on a getting-to-know-you date, where the boy kept shouting “Bravo!” when I was dreading to get over and be done with with the extremely lousy show. Interestingly, the girl (quite pretty one, ok?) was still positively polite towards him. If I were her, I would probably have dug a hole and dived into it asap to avoid being caught dead with anyone who associate boo-boos with bravo!s…. I mean, that's probably okay, it's just that he was like speaking of all the high & might arty stuff prior to the show and during the intermittent, as if proud that he's some arty-farty... well, quite obviously he's not...

Okay… should stop my bitchiness…

Anyway…


Even Ivan Heng’s The Visit of theTai-tai, through it’s many glitches on the first night managed to bring on litters of comic relief amid the dark plot. Okay, even if Hong disagrees with that, they at least had a backdrop and better costumes! (And Ivan Heng was funny.) The Aspects of Love show was expensive in comparison, and totally without any saving grace… okay, except perhaps for the upgrade of seats from Circles 2 to Circles 1. And that’s because of the poor turnout.

Now I know why Aspects of Love, though being one of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s early works, had remained so relatively unknown. Quite obviously, there’s a reason for everything…

Haiz… I should have put the money to better use.

Overall verdict for the show? No star. I will give negative stars, in fact, if there were such rates.

What have I paid for thus?

$10: The show +
$10: The 2 pianists
$60: Lead’s uninteresting sexual actions
= $80

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Glad for the long weekend

Haven't blogged for a whole week, nor even visited any of the sites except for the Oracle page, switching between PROD, and STAGE, and PROD.... just being caught in the whirlwind of multiple demands and things to settle... and zapping around the office. Yin said she told her students they can walk briskly, but not run cos' that's uncool.

Much as I tell myself I've got an image to keep, but somehow, still cannot remember, and continued to ramp that engine.... haiz... what to do? The multiple files & papers lying around the table, and the relentless emails had sure kept me really hot!

So, so, so busy recently, haven't got time to take second looks at texts and emails... Felt so tired by the time I reached home everyday, I just had to blong myself on the sofa and not move, lest I shatter any bones.... .. Sorry to all whose emails & texts I have not replied to!

Finally got to the weekend, and thought I can sleep through the morning, only to be woken by the blaring propaganda from the contesting parties.... *grouchy*

Having had a grueling week, aren’t we glad for the long weekend?
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An Accomplishment

Managed to wake up early on a Saturday morning today to meet ting2 at MacRitchie for the HSBC Tree-top walk. Finally.

Although I’ve printed out the map, I found out only later that the print was utterly blurred and the trail colors not visible. Anyway, having reached the reservoir, we decided to be adventurous. First following behind a group of grousing school children, later overtaking them (to escape the heat and stench they were emitting), and at times finding ourselves alone on trails with only sights of wide-eyed monkeys… Not truly gutsy, I must say it had been quite a feat for two girls to tread those grounds with the monkeys staring. Well, at least I do think so. I actually felt a little scared then. But well, we were not contemplating any turning back then. so, we thought of ways to scare the merry-making anthropoids instead (like, ermm... talking louder and irritating them...)

We did not start out knowing what kind of a trail we will be taking, nor ended up knowing what exactly was the trail we took. We just followed whatever arbitrary signs there were along the way. I do not think we can find our way to tread the exact same grounds a second time.

But having trekked the rough terrains, the bridges, flat grounds, pot-holes, and the up and down stairs through those three hours, I must say I feel pretty good that the muscles (or fats?) have been given some boost to action. If not for ting2’s sudden urge to go for the walk, I would probably have stayed in this morning and spend my day lazing on the bed with nothing to record for.

Life’s like that, isn’t it?

We are on the track of no turning back. Every second passed is time lost forever. Sometimes, we need to go out and hike the unknown grounds to have that account of our lives without void. It may not always be smooth, but not always rough. Other times, we look at the long stairs and find ourselves lacking with energy. Or simply fearful of the unknown. Still, we should continue on and keep exploring.

Soldiering on, we can find the accomplishment and be able to put on to record that something has been done today. One day, I can look back and say I have not let my youth gone to waste.

That, in itself, is an achievement in some sense, isn't it?
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Excuse me, are you free?

I have been a little low on energy level recently. I think I must have been getting a little bored. My calendar’s almost clean for this month except for “Aspect of Love” and probably a meet-up with fellow PL-ites at the end of the month. We haven’t met up for at least one or two years. The last time was just before another classmate got married. This time, I do not think she’s joining us… always the case, right? People arrange meet ups, happen to get married shortly after, invite you, then disappears.

Lately, I have been trying to get people to go out with me. MacRitchie? Science Centre? Jogging? Lunch? Games? Shopping? Actually, I also wanted to ask if anyone’s interested in theatres or films, but everyone seems to have a date every other day.

I’m really curious. What’s everyone engaged in? Seems like I'm so "out"... hmmm...

With every passing day, my social circle shrinks, and the number of activities decreases. As people get more involved with their own lives, I seemed to have lost mine... Losing touch with people and being confined at home has also made my already colorless life even more inadequate and dull by the day…. It’s a vicious cycle. See, now I can't even think of anything exciting to do….

Ting2 told me this is fine, as we should prepare ourselves and get use to what is to come: Inactivity as we age. She reasoned that since we are still single at this age, we are probably going to continue being so for a long, long while. Hence, we should start getting use to being in that state.

Er… I don’t quite agree with that school of thought. I am not a social person (and yes, I confess I am a friend-snob), but neither do I really like being cooped up. Do not think that state is great and I do not think I want to start on that too early… I think I will degenerate in doldrums.... Anyway, I really think we should not let time pass without "maximising" experiences...

W told me that he does not need to make full use of the day. The day will use him... ermm... something like that... I am still trying to figure out what exactly that means... a little cheem for my already degenerating brain...

K, on the other hand, told me Singapore’s too small for anything interesting. Weekends are usually spent on church, feasting and movies. Full stop.

Hmmm…. Doesn’t sound too exciting either… I was hoping that he would give me more and better ideas…

Looks like I’ve got more on the list…. Just a little more… and they are lower on cost than those meaningless boozing activities I realize most Gen X-ers & Y-ers are always into! Here goes:

For accessible places –

[1] Take a breather at MacRitchie Reservior
[2] A nice dinner somewhere cozy (Recommended: Tea Cosy by Eclectic Attic at Plaza Sing, #05-10. Nice cakes they’ve got… and really cozy… right, Hong?)
[3] Catch a nice show at the Esplanade / SRT
[4] Have a cuppa with a few chums (Spotted TEA Café at 38A Liang Seah street, behind Raffles Hotel… somewhere new to explore, huh?)


For those who drive –

[1] An early morning walk at the Botanic Gardens
[2] A late afternoon chill-out at Labrador Park or Mount Faber (ermm…. Better with guys around… at least to feel safer… )
[3] A simple lunch at Colbar, off Portsdown Road with some great pals
[4] A late evening to the Night Safari (Heard it’s quite good, but I haven’t been there yet!)
[5] Oh yes! And I just found that we actually have quite a few museums too!


There are things to do and places to visit even on our small island.
So don't hole yourself. Go out and enjoy!
But first... Excuse me, can I join you? Oh yes, I am open to other groovy suggestions to add to the list too, you know…

oh man.... I am sounding so desperately bored....Haha...
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Positive Thoughts

Received this from my colleague. Thought of sharing with all too:


1. Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.


2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down

3. Keep learning

4. Enjoy the simple things ( and may I add, to enjoy the fine things in life too... )

5. Laugh often, long and loud.

6. Know that tears happen: Endure, grieve, and MOVE ON.

7. Surround yourself with what you love

8. Cherish your health

25% Male Brain in a Female Head

Hong seemed to be in this Personality Tests mania recently. On Wednesday, she published her "Pig Analysis" on her blog, and today, she sent me a link via MSN to another personality test. After answering the series of questions on that site, I found that I am a "Dominant Introverted Thinking" type. Seems quite expected, yah? But truth is, I seldom think... hahaha.... got conned, neh?

Anyway, I just stumbled onto this more interesting test on the BBC website.
Check out www.bbc.co.uk/print/science/humanbody/sex.

The test is suppose to tell your sex I.D (meaning your gender lah! what were you thinking?) and I liked it. They actually quiz you on your ability to spot differences (which I scored really badly), and your verbal fluency (not too good at that too). These, apart from asking you those "supposedly-this-and-that-happens-blah-blah" kinda questions.

Then, there is this part that have you measure your finger lengths! I mean.... wow... Anything that requires measurements surely made the test results seem more conceivable... okie.... that's probably my physicist personage playing again... anyway... I actually thought it's quite fun!

Here's my results:

Seems like I have higher testosterone level on the male-female brain continuum...yes, orientation disorder, maybe... hmmmm... just gotta be odd somehow...

Go try the test and tell me your Brain Sex!

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Carpe diem!

Walking through the gates of KCSS for Sunday service, a young BB boy greeted me. I was slightly startled. I usually make my presence as unnoticeable as possible, past anyone or anything unfamiliar with the fastest speed. Hence, when someone greeted me, I turned back and went, “huh?” (yes. I've came to the realisation that trying not to notice anything obviously does not imply that no one notices me... anyway... )

Then he bowed a little and repeated, “Welcome to BB enrolment service!”

He's a bespectacled boy. Part of a group of Sec 1 BB boys welcoming the congregation at the entrance. It was their enrolment service.

So cute!

Through the service, as the colors were marched in, I tried, but failed to recollect how my own enrolment service was like when I was in GB (if there was any). Then, as the slides showing the various activities of the GB/BB played on the screen, I felt I have missed out a lot even though I should have gained a lot more in those 6 years I was a part of the brigade.

I remembered then, always wondering why I should be tortured under the sun in “Ser-Dee-Yah” positions… and being constantly skeptical of the leaderships… yes, those things and more…. I must say I have thus never truly remembered GB as anything particularly enjoyable.

A certain indescribable feeling welled up within….

Then in the evening, watching the Campus Superstar on TV, I realized that being young could be so fun. I mean… enjoy the fun, and it will be so fun! (Ermmm…. that seemed like a weird sentence…. but you get what I mean?)

I should have relished my days then in GB. I mean… Those 6 years I spent Saturday after Saturdays was not particularly long. But neither has it been short. Had I learned to let go and enjoyed myself back then, I would probably have gained a lot more.

With that realization, I think I should start seizing each day, appreciate each moment, each opportunity, and enjoy!

Everyday is a gift the Lord has given, and the day will pass how ever I choose to live it. When I make any moment seem dreadful, I guess I am just being unkind to myself…
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Lowest cost EXPRESSION program....

Show casing the Costless weight-loss & work-efficiency booster program:

"Hello, Expression... "

Okay, Expression is probably passe.... I think it is Cenosis or Philip Wain nowadays... Just a week or two ago, ting2 asked me on my views towards the effectiveness of slimming programs. Ermm... I don't suppose she thought I went for any of those.... and I obviously cannot be a spokesperson for any of those trades.... I would probably be the right person to ask if she needs queries answered on expansion.... That will definitely be much, much easier.

Anyway....

The method shown above originated from my colleague, DF who sent me an email with much excitement out of the blue to inform of the latest weight-loss program he found. He claimed that it would also increase work efficiency. (Well, I hope he didn't mean to question my work efficiency or to imply that I am fat!)

I have not tried it out, but SSF (above) soon got wind of it and had started out on the program sooner than I did... Yes, I think I will try that out someday.... but before that happens, I need to first look for prettier looking boxes to prop up my notebook... talk about being ai swee...

** Please note that the above picture was suppose to be a candid shot, taken with the sole intention of showcasing how the program is to work. However, my Sony Ericsson phone's loud "click" sound was a dead give-away. After assuring him that he will never be identified and pointed on the street, generous permission has been granted for this picture to be featured on this site. Hence, please do not point him out if you happen to recognise him on the street. Thank you.

The Intricacy of Friendships

It is amazing how friendships are formed.

I mean we meet different people everyday. People walk in and out of our lives, but we cannot call everyone friends. To be frank, even having lived a quarter of the century, I have not really been able to fathom the mystery behind how people grew from mere strangers to calling each other friends.

C.S Lewis wrote that friendship is unnecessary. It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival.

As a young kid, I have always had queer emotions. I am never sure if being an insecure kid caused that or was it the sensitivity that caused the insecurity. Whatever it is, that did not help. As a pinafore-donning schoolgirl, I found it very difficult to grasp the idea of friends. Then, everyone I thought were my good friends actually turned out to have even better – or some call, best – friends. Such revelations often do not come as blessings. Surely, I do not need more affirmations that my existence is secondary.

As I grew up, I continued to pick up people along the way whom I now (still) call friends. I have never given up on this incomprehensible intricate called “friends”. Blame it on my fantasies, the soap series and fairy tales, but I still believe in giving the best to those whom I would want to call friends. To me, they are not friends because I need companies. I can survive quite well in solitude, with absolutely no necessity for disturbance in my life. But my friends are companies because, well, they are friends. They aren't simply just names on the list whom I tick and decide who I want for company today. Just as I hope I will be of value to their lives, I have derived value from each of them.

How this comes to being still perplexes me. For not even science can explain the mystical spark and chemistry involved when people decide that they want to be friends, and not just colleagues, classmates, associates or any of the likes. In fact, we do not even sit and decide that we want to be friends! The magic potion making us friends can thus not be replicated.

Today, to all my chums, I think I ought to let you should know that you are treasured and respected as a pal. No superficiality should tarnish that relationship. If there is any trace of that, I think we are better off kept as strangers....

This time, I hope the feelings toward those I call friends are mutual too….
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The Oracle: The Disclaimer

No. I am not about to expound on the Oracle system that has thrown my fellow colleagues and I into labyrinth.

This is to formally pronounce that I am a mere social being with an odd love-hate attitude towards having to co-exist with other fellow beings. Co-existence has sometimes led to familiarity – a sense of connection – and security. Because of this, I have inevitably allowed some beings to cause storms in my emotions. Nonetheless, they are also the ones capable of seeing me soar to seventh heaven. Either way, co-existing has added all colors of my life.

Therefore, in my blogs, one will often find mention of one character or the other - even some familiar events. Definitely will have one lah. Writing about myself will be too boring. I mean, how interesting can it be if everything is all about I, me, and myself? I, me, and myself will only have some value because I am co-existing with other beings and the interactions rub experiences that I can write about.

If you do not mind reading about other people or events involving other people here, please do not be offended by mention of anything that may seem familiar to you. Nonetheless, I will try my best to keep all identities under wraps unless you grant me the permission to help you do some publicity. Please be assured though that there are no missiles or sharp metal objects hidden under those wraps. The writings are not, and will not be used as weapons of any form to hurt anyone. They are merely to be used as innocent anecdotes.

Yes. I am writing to you who think that I have fired shots in any way in any of my blogs. If you ain’t enemy, you are a valued friend, and there is no intention whatsoever to cause grieve to friends in any way. And if you are an enemy, why are you so kay-poh? Nothing here is meant for your reading pleasure....

Yes. Back to my point. To be accused of hurt, actual mense rea had to be proven. So, please prove that first before being convinced that I am malicious in any way. Anyway, how can a nice person like you have gotten into association with someone so vile? That, in itself, will disregard all mense rea propositions.

Anyway, having had kiasu-ism run in my blood, I still hope to be indemnified by adding the following disclaimer:

No human beings are meant to be hurt physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially nor spiritually in the blogs of oddball. (Have I covered all?) Dissensions between any individuals are also never intended in any articles that have been posted here or are to be posted here henceforth. Any positive resemblance may be pointed to you alright, but anything negative, or perceived to be negative (I am supposed to have swore off all things negative, remember?) is of pure coincidence and a make-up from your own imagination (not mine). Exceptions will be made known in the article and will only apply to that particular work at that particular time.

Now, disclaimers are usually in the smallest font available. However, the oddball has decided otherwise. Well, oddball has to keep the oddball image and be, ermm... different.

Anyway, oddball has always been a little inept, and never always really in understanding of the happenings around. Nonetheless, be aware that the oddball is also not apt at using poison fangs too. Fact is, oddball is no rat.

That confirms it. There's no vermin!

Well, to be doubly sure, you may want to inject a little dose of the superlative elixir: Humour and a smile.

This is the oracle.


P/S: If you have somehow gotten lost whilst trying to comprehend the Oracle, please be assured that you are fine. I got a little lost while writing too. Or perhaps Oracles are not meant for any mere mortals to fathom…
Ermm.... actually, to say that this is an oracle was just to give the disclaimer a boost in its authority. So, relax! * wink *
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Public Apology

Came out of a supposed 5 minutes meeting that stretched almost 12 times feeling a bad pang of headache yesterday. Who wouldn’t – especially after the rounds of dart-shooting activity – and that, which stretched beyond my paid hours of 5:30pm? I’ve still got to throw in more free hours as reward after the paid hours because of these games I have been engaging in over those paid hours….

Although I should be thankful that no venomous darts were employed, the amount of energy involved was enough to render anyone giddy….

Anyway…. what was my point? Yes. I was supposed to issue a public apology. See, it helps to have titles, because titles help you remember your point. Yes. And my point herein was to render a public apology to YCK* and EW*.

Yes. They had to bear my ranting for close to 20 minutes (actually, I can't really tell the time, because I was in a distracted and abusive mood. And I can't tell the distance either cos' we have yet to figure out if that was 1km, 2km or 3) as we walked from the office to Serangoon stadium for our weekly jogging program. Yes, they had to endure all the complaints, the tongue-lashes, and the grouses (that found little brakes) for that long period. Felt quite bad about that. Really. Sorry, people!

My deepest apologies, but hey, I don’t know if it helps to know, but the headache miraculously healed after that… Thanks to both for that!

* Names are changed to protect the identities of the persons involved. All resemblance to anyone living is purely of no coincidence. You know who you are and the apology is indeed directed to you.
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Thou Shalt Swear Off Thy Sianz Bug

Seriously, I do not like this sianz bug at all. No. Not the least. Hereby, I declare the sianz-bug an utter abhorrence – an abomination. I resolve to eschew it with immediate effect.

I got snapped at yesterday because someone caught the blue bug. Honestly, I did feel a little wronged and annoyed. Much as I felt a little concerned, I did not think I should be penalized for someone else’s sianz-ness. No. Why should I?

The last time I detected a sianz infection, I felt the itch on my nose too. The looming gloom enlarged its sphere of influence almost immediately. Very soon, I felt it above my head too. Well, like I last mentioned, this bug is highly contagious.

I would henceforth swear off all sianz people, all sianz activities, and all sianz-ness. I will make full use of my everyday life.

No. No more being ensnared by the sianz bug. Run away from it now!

Let’s all be gay, everyone! A happy life will naturally then be an attractive one!

Cheers & charm the person next to you now!
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Why Sianz?

Was online last evening and someone popped that she’s sianz. Yes, if Ting happen to be reading this, here’s me quoting you (raw and) straight from the MSN dialogue box, ”sianz of work , sianz of doing almost the same stuf, sianz of the frustrations in work, sianz of everyting.”

I can actually feel the sianz vibes just by reading that, which my English teacher would probably frown on. She will say that is too long to be a sentence. Anyway, where was I?

Oh yes, someone in her 20s being in the sianz mood.

Recently, an overseas supplier introduced me to KYM, who has just returned to Singapore from US. We have been in some email exchanges, and after these many weeks, I realized that his conscious state of mind operates on a cycle.

Every Monday, he will be looking towards Wednesday, proclaiming that the milestone of the week. By Wednesday, he will be looking forward to Friday. On Friday, he will exclaim in jubilation that he “made it”.

If you think KYM is actually looking forward to a happening Saturday Nite fever, you are going to be utterly disappointed. Instead, he will often be wishing for a peaceful weekend. And that cycle goes on yet again when Monday starts. Barely at his mid-30s, I should add that KYM is no old fossil in the slug. I always thought that people in their 30s would be the most upbeat. Financially stable, confident, secured and assured.

Or am I wrong? Hmmm…

If you do a search on google for “sianz”, you will find a series of blogs, all declaring their sianz-ness. Most of whom ( or is it all? anyone care to find out when you are really sianz?) are breeding in Singapore. I wonder if Singaporeans were given the sole prerogative to be sianz…

On second thought, it is perhaps not really the age, the geography, the gender, or any other factors.

We have been caught in a vicious cycle sparked by dunno-who. Convincing ourselves that we are sianz, we inject the sianz bugs within us, make sure it flows through us and spread it out to the next person who happens to be around like it’s the best gift around to be shared. And so, the sianz bug multiplies. And multiply. And multiply. Before we know it, those who are not infected seemed freaky.

Odd, isn’t it? We are all sianz… restless, dull, lifeless, malcontented and irritable… who invented that? Who should invent that thought, that mood, that blue?

That consciousness that brought us to… ermmm… sianz-ness?

Oops! What am I expounding on something so…. SIANZ…..

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