Blessed! Once more.

Woke up with a bad back again, but still glad I'm taking my breath. Almost died last night. Serious. Okay, perhaps not dead, dead, but probably crushed and definitely not able to be typing away like now….

While crossing a traffic junction after class in the late evening, a weekend-plate Honda zoomed right past our paths, clearly having been mistakenly thought that red lights meant “danger, go, and speed faster!” It zipped by so fast, ALow* was clearly shocked for an instant, before breaking out into curses & swears using all his tort law knowledge (the tort tutor must be very pleased that he remembers all his tort principles. Keke.).

ALow* was shocked because for that split second, if I kept my pace, or had taken a slightly bigger step ahead of him, I would probably have gone home to the emerald courts, up the sapphire skies. But it was not time yet. Haha…

After the car had whizzed out of sight, he turned to me and asked what made me slow down my pace at the instance that car made its dash towards us. I looked at him, blinked blankly, before struggling a lame answer like “my bag was too heavy. I had my notes and statutes in it. I couldn’t walk fast”. ok, that ain't exactly lame, cos my bag was really heavy, but..... Actually, I was equally puzzled. Seriously, I had not heard the booming engine signaling the charge like he did. But really, everything happened at such an instant, I truly cannot tell why or how I have just halt.

Anyway… It took me quite a while for the episode to sink in. Even as we take our last few steps on the tar ground and onto the red brick pedestrian curb, I was still chirping about the possible reasons why the driver had accelerated when we actually had the right of way (much to ALow*’s annoyance. heheh..).

After pacifying his frustration towards the inconsiderate driver, his question started sinking into me.

Why? Why did I slow down? Did I really and actually slow down?

* shrug * I don’t know. I really don’t. I was in some kind of daze at that late hour... But I know I did pray that I be guarded and guided through the week… and someone did say he would keep me in prayers too!


The angel stranger took the empty seat beside me on Sunday (again!) cos he was really late, and there was a convenient seat that I had deliberately left empty nearest the aisle.

On my right was an amiable young lad. He had, during the friendship break asked me if I was alone just like him, and I told him yes. He must have had felt pretty bewildered when the angel stranger and I started chatting during the break, and whispering short exchanges through the service like we were friends. Thinking back now, I felt a little bad that the boy must have felt kinda neglected as I might have, if I were him…. In fact, I do feel bad also cos I cannot even remember his name...

Anyway, back to the angel stranger... WH* seemed like he is quite a natural people-person. He responds to people very well. I really cannot remember the last time anyone would take an interest, and said he would keep me in prayers voluntarily. In fact, I cannot remember anyone who had used this approach - no questions asked about what I wanted to pray for… he just asked when my exams was (he actually remembered I was doing a course!) and said he would keep me in prayers…. And when the skies started to drip a few drops of rainwater as we parted, he asked if he could give me a ride somewhere (Note! Note! The question was not if I'd wanted or needed a ride...). The idea was later dropped as he had another lunch appointment, and we could not reconcile the directions we were each heading. Nevertheless, he was thoughtful enough to offer his black brolly (even that left an impression...), and asked if I had one. All without much fanfare.

It felt good that someone had shown such concern without seeming like he was patronising me.... and this was only our third encounter! I mean… sometimes, we will not even offer our own brolly to a long time friend if it means depriving ourselves of it in the face of the threatening skies, right? much less a casual acquaintance just met… (and especially if the walk to the car is two streets down without any shelter !)

Even through this, I think I have learnt something...

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Anyway..... Can this be true? Had he been a figment of my imagination? Haiz… I was and still am obviously swooned… haha… if only he was as young as I'd wish he is…. ay.......

Nonetheless, blessed, blessed am I, or so, was I reminded. That strange cloud of vexed emotions in me on Saturday was quickly dispelled by the time the new week begun… for I realised I had been blessed once again.

The Kind of smart that IQ tests miss

By Keith Stanovich
The writer is professor of human development and applied psychology at the University of Toronto

In 2002, cognitive scientist Daniel Kahneman of Princeton University won the Nobel Prize in Economics for work done with his longtime collaborator Amos Tversky (who died in 1996). Their research had to do with judgment and decision-making – what makes our thoughts and actions rational or irrational. They explored how people make choices and assess probabilities, and uncovered basic errors that are typical in decision-making.

The thinking errors they uncovered are not trivial mistakes in a parlour game. To be rational means to adopt appropriate goals, take the appropriate action given one’s goals and beliefs, and hold beliefs that are commensurate with available evidence. It means achieving one’s life goals using the best means possible. To violate the thinking rules examined by Kahneman and Tversky thus has the practical consequence that we are less satisfied with our lived than we might be, Research conducted in my own laboratory has indicated that there are systematic individual differences in the judgment and decision-making skills that Kahneman and Tversky studied.

Ironically, the Nobel Prize was awarded for studies of cognitive characteristics that are entirely missing from the most well-known mental assessment device in the behavioral sciences: intelligence tests. Scientists and laypeople alike tend to agree that “good thinking” encompasses sound judgment and decision-making – the type of thinking that helps us achieve our goals. Yet assessments of such good (rational) thinking are nowhere to be found on IQ tests.

Intelligence tests measure important things, but they do not assess the extent of rational thought. This might not be such a grave omission if intelligence were a strong predictor of rational thinking. But my research group found just the opposite: It is a mild predictor at best, and some rational thinking skills are totally dissociated from intelligence.

To an important degree, intelligence tests determine the career of millions of people. Children are given intelligence tests to determine eligibility for admission to school programmes for the gifted. Corporations and the military depend on assessments that are little more than disguised intelligence tests.

Perhaps some of this attention to intelligence is necessary, but what is not warranted is the tendency to ignore cognitive capacities that are at least equally important: the capacities that sustain rational thoughts and action.

Critics of intelligence tests have long pointed out that the tests ignore important parts of mental life, mainly non-cognitive domains such as socio-emotional abilities and interpersonal skills. But intelligence tests are also radically incomplete as measures of cognitive functioning, which is evident from the simple fact that many people display a systematic inability to think or behave rationally despite having more than adequate IQ.

For a variety of reasons, we have come to overvalue the kinds of thinking skills that intelligence tests measure and undervalue other important cognitive skills, such as the ability to think rationally.

Psychologies have studied the major classes of thinking errors that make people less than rational. They have studied people’s tendencies to show incoherent probability assessments; to be overconfident in knowledge judgments; to ignore the alternative hypothesis; to evaluate evidence with a “my side” bias; to show inconsistent preferences because of framing effects; to over-weigh short-term rewards at the expense of long-term well-being; to allow decisions to be affected by irrelevant context; and so on.

All of these categories of failure of rational judgment are very imperfectly correlated with intelligence – meaning IQ tests tend not to capture individual difference in rational thought. IQ tests measure mental skills that have been studied for a long time, whereas psychologists have only recently had the tools to measure the tendencies towards rational and irrational thinking.

Nevertheless, recent progress in the cognitive science of rational thought suggest that nothing could stop us from constructing an “RQ” test.

Such a test might prove highly useful. Sub-optimal investment decisions have, for example, been linked to overconfidence in knowledge judgments, the tendency to over-explain chance events, and the tendency to substitute affective valence for thought. Errors in medical and legal decision-making have also been linked to specific irrational thinking tendencies that psychologists have studied.

There are strategies and environmental fixes for the thinking errors that occur in all of these domains. But it is important to realize that these thinking errors are more related to rationality than intelligence. They would be reduced if schools, businesses and government focused on the parts of cognition that intelligence tests miss.

Instead, these institutions still devote far more attention and resources to intelligence than to teaching people how to think in order to reach their goals. It is as if intelligence has become totemic in our culture. But what we should really be pursuing is development of the reasoning strategies that could substantially increase human well-being.

(This article was taken from "The Straits Times", Wednesday, April 08, 2009 A22, Review & Forum)

Complete article in:
What Intelligence Tests Miss: The Psychology of Rational Thought
Hardcover: 328 pages
Publisher: Yale University Press; 1 edition (January 27, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 030012385X
ISBN-13: 978-0300123852
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I Wish...

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What’s wrong with a wish?
Something nice for your friends.
When the day’s not so great
You can change how it ends
It’s a wonderful gift
To wish someone a wish
But it seems that not everyone sees it like this

I wish all my troubles away
All my dreams come true
I wish for blue skies every day
And I can wish it for you
Why would I wait
For what a wish can create?
Why should I work so hard?
I wish, ‘cause wishing is great!

A wish is the best
No disappointments or tears
If something bad happens
I make it disappear
If there’s something I want
There’s no reason to fret
There’s no wish limit on all the things I can get

I wish all my troubles away
All my dreams come true
I wish for blue skies every day
And I can wish it for you
Why would I wait for what a wish can create?
Why should I work so hard?
I wish, ‘cause wishing is great!

When I wish, it feels right
The whole world’s shiny and bright
I know wishing makes everything all right.
Where there’s a wish
There’s a way
So I’ll keep wishing each day

I wish all my troubles away,
Doesn’t anybody see?
I wish for blue skies every day.
I wish there were others like me,
Others like me
Who like to wish all day long
Is there something I can do?
Wish I knew!

~ Stephanie Beard ~

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Tribute to the boyfriends

This is a tribute to the boyfriends whom God has kindly placed in my path when things are awry. Nothing romantic for all but one (I think) on the list are happily married men. But I love them - as much as I do my girlfriends. They may not read this, but I just thought it a good idea to pen (ok, key) down the thoughts and feelings that are going through me now....

The True Bro: Gus was among the first person to notice that i was in some kinds of dumps some time back, apart from my girlfriends whom I'd instinctively share rants and raves with (major or not). A little unexpected, but the constant and multiple texts and phone checks were like slated stilts of supports in the face of crumpling emotions.

He trusted me to get out of my dumps in a somehow accepting manner. There was no criticisms and no diversions when I vented. Nor was there any "standard" statements of comfort...

All there was were constant nudgings and full attention, his confidence... and of course some of his initiative ideas that I said thanks, but no to (haha)... The sincere genuineness had its therapeutic effect that helped me stand right back up in a way... Really love (not THAT kind of love) him for that...


The Chimney: My avenue to release. Oh yes, caught in the labryrinth of life's happenings, sometimes, all that is needed is some venting of all those gripes buried deep within and stenched with decompositions. The chimney is essential to carry off all the smog and soot, the grouses and questions.... My thanks to E* for listening to my grievances. There were loads and loads and loads of it, i guess, and i think i was not even quite finished yet... hahaha.

There were attempts to empathise and to share experiences. There were alternative perspectives.There he was, listening even when I don't even think I made any sense, and I was going in my rounds in circles through the night. Nonetheless, there was no impatience, no time limits, no cutting short. For that evening, the person who would sit beside has no TV to distract or snooze to catch up on, or work to complete. I do not believe that he doesn't have things he wanted or needed to catch up on, but I had the privilege of full attention. I was allowed to be seated alongside and go round and round and round (and many, many rounds) on my spins, coughing out the most insignificant grits.

Sometimes, all that is ever needed is someone who'd show some interest. It helped, perhaps, to be able to just be wilfully self-centred for that one moment, and have someone give me some undivided attention. It was emotionally intoxicating, I suppose and I appreciate it...


The Dreamer: ESim* has absolute no idea of what I was going through, or anything that is happening in my life for that matter. It all started with a pretty unexpected dream of his and an email without much content. From there spun exchanges of aspirations and ideals, dreams of desires..... Perhaps it was because he does not know me that well to the extend that there existed any presumptions that might hold back the sharing, or that he probably sees me as just a by-passer who will not judge him, hence, the open outpour of deep-seeded thoughts and perspectives, of failures and of pursuits.

There were sharings of laments... of being already caught where ideals conflict with practicalities and expectations. He too has his ideals (in other aspects), but he was caught on the bare cake with little icing. To expect fairytales to exist in practicality is a high order, he would say. Yet, even with that, he never cast my thoughts as impossibilities. Somehow, his messages had me find some lights of hope glimmers in his kind wish that my pursuit would be a different and fruitful one...


The Chaperon: It is scary to be alone too many a times. Perhaps I cannot bear being alone.. it makes me unsettled and scared. Or perhaps, I just needed to have someone to talk to as I journey... So I actually do appreciate the evenings when I have classes with ALow*, and someone would accompany me in the walk under the dark skies... along the dark roads. I need not be vigilant. I can afford to be careless. I can be in confidence that there is someone on the lookout for me, and pull me back onto the pathway when I stray to the road with oncoming traffic, or when I lose my balance. It just relaxes me....

(Oh yes, thanks to E* too for being the chaperon on one of the days last week too. The offer to carry my little "burden" and the company had me breathe a little easier under the starless night...)


The Angel Stranger: The first time we shook hands, "Angel..." was the first words he sprouted. No, I had not appeared to look like an angel. Apparently, he had just greeted some other person by the name Angeline before he turned my direction, and was probably having some synapses lapse. haha... Anyway, WH* is a stranger. Besides his name (which I hope I remembered correctly for my synapses do not just go on lapses, I suspect they are permanently demaged), I do not know him. He was just some random guy who happened to be sitting beside me for two consecutive sundays in a very big congregational church where different faces are greeted every week.

This sunday was a "prayer and praise" service. A new initiative by the church to give extended time to prayers and songs during the usual worship service. This is the second of such service this year, and having been to the first, I did not quite feel like going for another one. This is because the order of worship in these services will usually have a session called corporate prayer session where the leader would encourage people to pray with the person beside for a few minutes. Those minutes are a dread to me.

Half the time, I will be sandwiched between some lovey-dovey couples or families, feeling super-ultra marginalized. Otherwise, I will be sitting a few seats away from another singleton, acting anti-social. Why? Sometimes, i just don't know how to pray with someone whom I do not know... it somehow feels kinda superficial... or perhaps, i am just a little retard when warming up to people... and most times, if there is any singleton who would try to inch near, it will be some damsel-looking, dewy-eyed girls, expecting me to take intiatives (perhaps cos I look physically bigger.. haha). I guess i can if I want to, but I really do not feel like doing so most times. It just feels so unnecessarily superficial, I'd rather have some quiet time of my own. Ok, so I do know that i should stop being such an awkward porcupine, but.....

Such situations make me quite nervous really. I have even contemplated giving this sunday service a miss by telling myself that I have been to CCF on Saturday already. But well, I went nonetheless.

WH* came in a little late into the service, and took the empty seat beside me. We had a brush the week before when he sat (a seat away) beside me. Having had engaged in some small talks before, I can't say we are familar with each other, but at least, the initial ice had been broken.

When the pastor gave time (as expected) for corporate prayers, we managed to share some exchanges quickly. Both of us were probably not that comfy (singles are somewhat awkward creatures, I suppose), but I guess we take comfort to be able to talk to just another person like every others in the hall. He was sensitive to ask my comfort level, before asking on the things for myself that I'd want to pray for, and we comfortably settled on the group (I suggested) we pray for. There was no qualms too when I asked him to lead in the prayer. I was kinda glad that I can just let the man do it. (Haven't been able to do that for a long time!)

The prayer was natural and not intimidating (in the sense it was not "flowery" or with superfluous pious phrases. I think he prays very much like me, pretty simply, albeit a little better in his thought trend, so the minutes passed like a breeze). It simply covered my needs and his, plus the group that we had agreed to pray for - the GB/BB ministry... and the best thing was that he timed it so well..

When we ended, he lets on that he was in boy's brigade when he was in secondary school... ah.... don't I just love the BB boys.... (taller ones will be even better. hahah...)

A stranger he is, but an angel too. He had rescued me from the discomforts of that few minutes... Thank God!
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The Master Insects just cannot do...

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
~ Robert A. Heinlein ~

I'm glad I do not have to feel inadequate about not being able to claim being a master in anything... Frank Brown heads a top MBA school without a MBA in hand. All it takes are those down-to-earth and unassuming ideals, coupled with a certain steadfastness.

There was a time when my questions were scoffed at, and my why?s were met with expressions of mocking frustrations.. ah well... I stand comforted and glad that I am off being sneered at when throwing questions out of the norm that no professor addresses... and it makes me think... probably... just probably, I may do with someone who would spar with me intellectually without viewing my gonzo questions with contempt...

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Little Girl Blue

Thousand and one things to be done. But don't feel like doing even a single thing.... as if some nerves were wrecked and missing - grouchy, grumpy & blue... ... in need to swing to some Eden new...
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Sometimes, I just wonder if I am Perversely Unyielding or Persistent Resilience...

"Stubborn and ardent clinging to one's opinion is the best proof of stupidity”

Michel de Montaigne

(French Philosopher and Writer. 1533-1592)

"Time has a way of demonstrating that the most stubborn are the most intelligent”

Yevgeny Yevtushenko

(Russian Poet, b.1933)

Completing what love is...

With V'day looming near on the 14-Feb, I thought I'll turn advertising script-writer and complete 14 "Love is..." statements. Here goes:

(1) Love is devoted patience... like hong*'s gramp who would travel distances and repeat the same sentences over and again when her grandma cannot hear. Not grunting in impatience.

(2) Love is being supportive in action (even when perplexed).... like beng* not understanding why hong* feels down about not having lunch kakis, and yet drives down from east to west just to be a company and support. Not protesting she is nutsy.

(3) Love is gentle respect... like rich gal Ching* who talks to her less accomplished husband in meekness. Not turning haughty at the least of any achievement.

(4) Love is putting another above my own desires... like I am careful not to be an inconvenience to another. Not harping on extra miles taken. (yes, I am learning & trying to love with concrete action)

(5) Love is forbearance & chivalry... like ALow* walking with his wife to the train station early every morning so that he gets to spend time with her even though that means he will reach work an hour early. Not emphasizing that special efforts was made.

(6) Love is thorough honesty... like TAw* telling his wife every little detail. Not hiding nor seeing the need to.

(7) Love is empathy and anxiousness to protect.... like Auntie Lian*'s husband refusal to let her take care of his grandchildren so that she will not be tired out. Not muttering against another's disability to stretch.

(8) Love is regardless of education & status.... like Dr. Tan* submitting without contempt to the directional instructions of his wife, a high school grad. Not looking at her with disdain.

(9) Love is re-assurance... like XL*'s dad giving his mom a tender touch when she gets emotional. Not suppressing emotions.

(10) Love is sharing lives... like HShan*'s husband who would not cease to tell her of the days' happenings so that she will not miss out. Not having had to be prompted relentlessly.

(11) Love is seeing another happy... like Irene*'s husband surprising her on her birthday even after being wedded for years. Not making a dread out of occassions.

(12) Love is hope... like people who dashes towards shared dreams. Not dashing them for any fear.

(13) Love is missing each other's presence... like the multiple phone calls that hong* gets. Not going on life without missing each other's absence.

(14) Love is being fiercely loyal... like PHo* when he refused to engage in ragging activities that puts him in compromising positions with the girls in the name of fun, even when his girlfriend is nowhere in sight. Not giving a chance or compromising. (yes, i am a prude)



EKH* posed queries to my expections of relationships and love when we talked yesterday... It's not that I have never gone through cogitation. I have thought through it hard too. Whenever the rational water in my brain wins over the emotional fire of the spirits and repossesses the mind, i'll start wondering if i have been building expectations on fancy, floating clouds of fluffy cotton candies...

But those I've listed are nothing out of disney channel. Not inspirations drawn from TCS, TVB, TBS, KBS, Bollywood nor Hollywood scripts. Nothing show biz. All real lives, in real inspiring love. i am not amplifying the actions per se, but considering the love behind the actions that get amplified... and I link it all to 1 Corinthians 13:3 that says "If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."

Really, actions are superficial. I am not about to be dishonest and garb myself with deceptive nobel masks by saying that I do not care for nice gestures. In fact, I do. I do so much so that I identify them with the love that goes with it. It's like, love causes actions, but actions do not correlate to love...

Love is complete not over a gold-plated cover, but a metamorphose into what it is, exactly as written so long ago....

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

(1 Corinthians 13:4~7)

Haha.. i think i am starting to blabber again... anyway, Happy V'day, my friends. To all of you and I, may we immerse in love & bliss everyday of our lives ! I hope someone will provide my cotton candy clouds with enough aerodynamics to float.... someday....

Thomas Trahern

Love is the true means by which the world is enjoyed: our love to others, and others' love to us

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Spotted on Merriam-Webster: Obaman

Oba is (an African) king / ruler.
That makes Oba-man his supporter.
How apt!

Now think of what a supporter of yours might be called if you'd ever have any....

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Escaping to the Present is Sane

So many things so bog me down, I feel that my head cannot surface above the swamp... in fact, even the brain mass seems to be in a whirl-pool.

How to explain the mess? How to cram all those info into my peabrain in time for the exams? So ultra-perplexed & messed up, I can't seem to get down to do anything. What holds in the future? Keeping pretty people relationships seems to be my archilles heel. Will I take on more failures? ( hope no ! ) Will i end up losing myself like some who metamorphosise into incomprehensible personality disorders cranks - you know, like those who so try to act cute and all, such that they actually looked a little like a functional retard? ( oh, spare me! ) Ah well, or perhaps the likelihood of me ending up sucked stuck in my own black hole, and turn into a sorehead grouch is higher... haha. *shrug* whatever...

Well, at least for now, at this point of time, on a good weekday afternoon, there is no need to explain anything to anybody. What's past is gone. Exams is another 3 months down the road (gasp! but.. it's another 3 months), and nobody knows what will happen tomorrow.

Even though i doubt with all my heart, who knows, but i may end up blissful and happy with an adoring, handsome, rich, smart, gallant, gay ( keenly alive and exuberant ! ), thinking yet sentimental gentleman who'll swoon me with love lots everyday.... ( whoa ! *high* ) okie, okie.... that's wild fantasy.......

or... or at most, end up whining days' end and engaging in self-comforts like Sumiko Tan lor... *shrug*

Oh, okie... the future is unthinkable and probably going to be even more insane.. let me just escape into the present.... du-du-la-la-la...