邁向理想旅程的首要燃料

家是愛的港灣,
在愛里沒有懼怕 -
懼怕任何人的批評,讥笑,責罵
所謂港灣不就是被呵護的地方嗎?

愛的港灣里應只有尊重和鼓勵
只有在港灣被添了上等好油的船
才能更順暢的游向理想的旅程...

Cloudy days, Cloudy thoughts...

What am i suppose to feel when i am not talked to? - That i cannot be taken seriously.

What am i suppose to feel when things had to be secret to me? - That I cannot be trusted.

What am i suppose to feel when i strike a conversation, but am viewed with contempt? - That I am no equal, but an inferior.

What am i suppose to feel when tears are welling within, but people around are turning up the volume of the radio? - That nobody really bothers.

Happened to read about the guy behind ABC Learning Centre on the papers last night. The press wrote that he has a wife who was not this confidante. I kept reading and re-reading that line, and feel so (very) sad for the family who had tried so hard to keep a front. There was a time they had everything but they failed eventually - and hard. I guess that was no surprise. There can be little success when the try is too hard without real love.... the consequences just had domino-al effects that simply sends life's successes into crumbles...
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2 Hours Way Home Under the Weeping Skies

The lives of people who are showily in bliss: The sour-grapers said they are, but pretenses under which imperfections hide well. I think it is an ideal of lives filled with love, above which, covers and surpasses imperfections.

I am addicted to reading - blogs or FB - about the lives of people who are showily in bliss, wondering what exactly they have done that I haven't to be able to savour such. With age, ideals scarily fade.

On a journey 2 hours,
Trodding in stupor & daze.
Under the weeping skies and looking up,
Wondered if my best was not up to mark.
Perhaps the tears of heavens are blase,
So, i've failed to catch its ideal ace.

But what is to be done that have not been?
None could hear the thoughts.
Who can cast that fear?
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The 21-year-old's worry for the older girl….

And there I sat in contemplation….

"I worry for you, man", he says.

Why be dragged down and entangled doing courses? Doing that at this age is only catastrophic to the mating game. Don the heels, and bask under the sun! Nab a guy of a really good character, and it will be like winning ten degrees!

“If a girl was to say she would stay home and depends on me, I will work my guts out for her”, so says the 21-year-old. He said I ought to trust him for the representation he has made about his kind, cos' he is one himself....

It may be generation gap, or clearly that not all humankind thinks the same.

For there exists a guy who looked in cynicism and explains matter-of-factly that "YOU-and-I" have to work for there is nothing free.

Who then, ought to be worried?
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Unable to concede to a life ran out of the mill

不甘于頻繁 ,
不甘于暗淡人生 ,
不甘于無法掌握完美.

為什麼不能有更多的機會？
為什麼不能有更好的心声?
难道不是最好的，就不能有更好的吗?
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Ripped off from somebody's blog....

We tend to be short-sighted and self-absorbed.

We forget that God's primary goal is not changing our situations and relationships so that we can be happy, but changing us through our situations and relationships so that we will be holy.

We need people who love God and us enough to come alongside and help us deal with our spiritual myopia.

~Paul David Tripp~
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The INTj living in a world of my own odd conception...

Did a personality test yesterday, and the result yielded an INTj (Introvert, iNtuitive, Thinking, and judging - The Analyst - The Intratim). The descriptions attached to such a profile is not anything too far off from what I can identify with, but I've got to declare that I am not an exact mould out of the traits defined. I guess that's because I've always had a flair for conceiving ideas of myself and living it out in my own ways... ahem...



...such flair... so much so that this INTj is often misunderstood and kept away from...

An idle mind is potent.

Once in a while, my mind would drift to the people whom I've grown up with. Mostly of those who I have spent my formative years with weekends after weekends. I guess I did look forward to weekends then because of them despite the business. But I guess it was all just an one-sided affair... or perhaps, no one really take another so seriously. Why the need? Carpe Diem! and just enjoy the company ! Whatever and whoever is present.

Sometimes, I'd hope I can go back in time, and savor the fellowships with those same familarities - the weekend meetings and plannings, the dinners, the tennis games, the movies, the singing, the sharing, the lunches, the exploring, the celebrations, the prayings - but things will never be the same anymore. Ever.

The day I walked out of the library screaming at the indignance of the holy-elitists, I should have known that there can be no be co-existence, save for a nod and an awkward smile.

The day I walked out of the meetings, and refused all calls, I should have known my presence will be swallowed by my label as an incomprehensible and emotionally-erratic screwball, preferred not to be mentioned and sucked into the tunnel of memory extinction. Not remembered, but remembers.

Amazing how God planned affinities and relationships. Amazing how I never fail to flop them - and all. Nowadays, weekends are spent, shaking hands with different strangers every week. No-one looks familiar anymore. I wonder if it was due to my aging amnesic brain, but it's always new faces, and new names every week. Too much for one who had preference for all things within comfort zone. Minus the need for emotional connects, this is a fine idea thus far. It saves me from wrecking more.

Indeed, I'd be better off living in the little odd zone of my own.....

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In Reminiscence...

Received a reply text from TS on Christmas that reads:

" ... Christmas also reminds our Choir will never be the same b4 so I always have mixed feelings of joy n sadness...."

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There was a time when all would sing with a zing. Then one day, everyone "grew up" at a cue, and the spirit was all killed.... no wonder Ecclesiastes 12 says to remember our Creator before the "evil" days come, when we find no more pleasure in the best of things that God has given...

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-1 Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them;

2 While the sun, or the light, or the moon, or the stars, be not darkened, nor the clouds return after the rain:

3 In the day when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they are few, and those that look out of the windows be darkened,

4 And the doors shall be shut in the streets, when the sound of the grinding is low, and he shall rise up at the voice of the bird, and all the daughters of music shall be brought low;

5 Also when they shall be afraid of that which is high, and fears shall be in the way, and the almond tree shall flourish, and the grasshopper shall be a burden, and desire shall fail: because man goeth to his long home, and the mourners go about the streets:

6 Or ever the silver cord be loosed, or the golden bowl be broken, or the pitcher be broken at the fountain, or the wheel broken at the cistern.

7 Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it.

8 Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all is vanity.
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A Tiring Christmas...

This christmas is more tiring than usual. Maybe cos' I've started the shopping real late this year... You see, Christmas shoppings are a ted more tiring from normal shoppings and here's why:-

Unlike most shopping experiences where you'd get to enjoy the "fruits" of the laborious ply down Wheelock place to Plaza Sing, and from City Hall, Marina Square, down to Millenia Walk, Christmas shoppings are done with the pleasure of others in mind. On normal shopping trips, you can do without any "harvest"s. However, Christmas shopping gets more stressful by the day when the cart remains barren.

While the gifts chosen may not always be the best, it is a chance to tell the receivers that they are remembered in thanksgiving of the year's happenings. Each of the to-be receiver of the gift had to be jotted down, and each gift chosen with thought: it has to be of use to the receiver or at very least, to consider and avoid the taboos (no cups, mugs, plates, knives, clocks or anything that spells or sound wrong)... Even what seemed the most thoughtless - chocolates - were chosen after much effort expensed to find the better gifts came to naught.

I'd also choose the "right" time to present the gifts, and imagine the smile of the receiver when he/she sees the gift of thought left for them. It must sure feel great to be remembered...

That, I must say, was all on my own accord, and with no strings attached for reciprocates. Although a present received at this season may tell me that I am in your thoughts, please do not do so with the gifts that your other friend has sent you. Yea, I know that we are used to forwarding emails with a whole load of names and seeing if the return mails are what had been previously sent out, but rest assured, that gift that was just "forwarded" from your other friend (whose name is signed on the momento) will stop at my end.

Oh yes, please also spare me from the free gifts received from buying ten tubes of Darlie toothpastes or three tins of Nestles. If that is what I may be remembered by, I'd like to be excused of the insult. For, ahem, I can still afford to buy a mug if I'd need one (erm... actually, I've got tons of them chunked in my kitchen cupboard), or if anything, I can buy my own ten tubes of Darlie toothpastes. By the way, I don't really fancy the "thoughts" of the commerce... Thank you very much.

Now, I'd still had to think where to place ta' boo-ed gifts.... boy.... ain't this a tiring Christmas? Let's go have a cuppa Nestle...
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Maybe knowing I don't know is part of getting through...

I thought I did what's right

I thought I had the answers

I thought I chose the surest road

But that road brought me here

So I put up a fight

And told You how to help me

Now just when I have given up

The truth is coming clear

You know better than I

You know the way

I've let go the need to know why

For You know better than I

If this has been a test

I cannot see the reason

But maybe knowing I don't know

Is part of getting through

I try to do what's best

And faith has made it easy

To see the best thing I can do

Is put my trust in You

For you know better than I

You know the way

I've let go the need to know why

For You know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky

I saw a bird and thought that I could follow

But it was You who taught that bird to fly

If I let You reach me, will You teach me?

For You know better than I

You know the way

I've let go the need to know why

I'll take what answers You supply

You know better than I

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(Better Than I David Campbell Joseph: King of Dreams )

Sitting alone, much thoughts would flood my mind. I wonder if I am getting old, I have too out-of the-world expectations, or that I have always been one who simply ponder things a tad more than it might be necessary. It like.... kneading a small dough of matters and transforming it into a big roti-prata of implications that I soon realise that I am absolutely inapt to digest.... (ok, sounds crappy...anyway...)

Perhaps, really, knowing "I don't know" is part of getting through...

There are time when it seems leading a secular life without concern for the existence of God and His will is easy.... but if we'd behave as if there's no God, we'd better be right....

Then again, the knowledge of a God who has sovereign control is comforting. It gives hope that even not knowing, I'll be able to get through because He knows better than I.... So how do I let go of the need to know "why"? .............and "how"?

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