Is it the Budding Gal-Power or Did the Men not get it?

Was at a wedding on Saturday as the bride's friend. This is the first time I get witness a whole day wedding event and I was kinda excited initially. However, through the day, we started to get glimpses of the bride's stress, and we got a little affected as well.

She seemed to be under extreme stress over the happenings, the event and if she has unwittingly offended anyone. Meanwhile, the groom's taking things easy with little hints of nervousness. Only preparing his thank you speech at the last minute, he was nowhere to be found at the start of the cocktail reception. While we'd very much wanted to help, we were helpless as the bride jets around trying to settle whatever loose ends there were.

This is a completely different scene from when I last attended Y's wedding. She was all poised, and pretty. Happy and all, a mirror out of the scene from a fairy tale. The girl that all envied and hoped to be.

Ain't that what weddings are suppose to be? Merry, with the stars of the day in the most jubilant mood?

Kong says she actually felt a little sad as the bride's friend to see that she did not get to thoroughly enjoy the day. While we all hope they will eventually lead fairy tale lives ever after, Kong rose a point - guys used to take care of everything in the past. The girls just gotta dress themselves pretty and wait for the men to settle everything. Why then, do some brides of today have to busy themselves? Are the girl-power arising? Or are the men of today getting lousier?

However quixotic others may think, I guess all girls do have in us, a certain fantasy, a pursuit for lofty ideals. We all hope things will turn out perfect. The perfect match. The perfect event. The perfect life ever after... And when the insensitive guys get less re-assuring, the girls got all stressed up. We'd all hope the men will take on the work, but when they don't seem to get it, we had to try to perfect things ourselves.

Well, I am sure the men today are still capable of handling the things men of the past did. (who would have else dared to make that bold step to hand their lives to them if that wasn't the case?) What they really need is to inject some dose of sensitivity.

Sure, the girls can handle more things than one would ever imagine, (the wedding did not have any major glitches) but then again, it will be nice if the guys were to lend a little shoulder to affirm their vows in concrete actions. The sensitivity at such times are proves of sincerity that will go a long way.

Ah well, perhaps everyone's still learning how to live that epitome.

The wedding is over, but the union is here to stay. I just wish that my friend's husband will learn to empathise with her stress, shower her with more love, and that they will live in eternal bliss.....
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Mr Guru & Mr Gus

The past period has been (and actually still is) extremely difficult. Reasons askewed and emotions gone awry, I really have little idea how I survived not having self-combusted. Bombarded with absurd contradictories and what was akin to psychological abuse time and again, I have no idea how to deal with the distressed psyche that was welling emotions erratically within.

Last week was what seemed the peak of the madness. I was hopping crazy and was almost acting on my contemplation to sue at an insult. Everyone dear whom I shared the thoughts with did not take me very seriously. I reckoned they had thought I was simply venting some pent up emotions like a little girl throwing her mean tantrum. Little do they know that I was already seriously printing all related materials, highlighting the laws statements, and making sense of my case.

I was at a point of breakdown and about to do just anything. And I really mean ANYTHING.

Mr Gus came by and asked me out of the office for a break. For the first time, after working for so many years, I stopped all work and went out of the office before the official work hours was over. Over a cuppa apple juice, he shared the frustrations, acknowledged the possibility of reacting in my manners, and shared his stand as a third party - what we both agreed was easier said than done. Although there came a point he smiled and sneered at my incapability of winning any vicious games, there was no condemnation. (I guess that is still a positive statement, nonetheless) Neither was there disregard. Just loads of assurance that if anything should fail, there will still be someone to go lunch with me.

The sure assurance was accompanied by concrete actions in the following days - the checks, and the inclusions in activities. The little actions did something to pacify one side of the utterly imbalanced soul.

When Mr Guru came by to check on me later, I was a little like a subdued monster. But as I started to narrate the happenings that he had missed, the rage resurfaced. Undaunted and steady as usual, he drew out the analysis on paper - like an advisor, making his calculated move.

Throughout the sharing, there was no disregard for details. Even the denied characters were not dismissed, and brought out. Patiently listening, each thoughts, feelings and possibilities were expounded. As with the talk with Mr Gus, some were easier said than done. Nonetheless, we managed to come to a concluding objective and reason for the next planned action.

Although the trauma still sticks and the wound is still a bad sore, I do appreciate the efforts of the two men who egged me on through it all, refusing to let tears pour...

Tribute to both - Thank you!
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Malicious Queen needs a psychologist

Life has never been easy... and it just gets more difficult to deal with when you are being termed malicious queen for unexplainable realm or reasons by some crazy dog who just want to bite onto your tail and refuse to let go...


... and since I've got back problem, leaning to one side is a tad difficult... Oh no! how then do we get out of this chaotic & distressing botch?!??!

Mr Guru said taking flight at this point will not be a good solution.

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I have always loved talking to Mr Guru. Somehow, he has a way to put things in a perspective that will dispell their negative vibes. This time, however, it is disturbing. He had made a prediction suggesting an atmosphere that felt kinda ominous to the unaccustomed oddball. What more, barely days after our talk, telling signs of the prediction began to surface....

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Ah well... Maybe L was right in his new year's random thoughts, when he said intelligent people will produce inferior work when faced with the battle of egos. That's why I have always thought that there is no necessity to fight or prove who's the greatest. We are living in a social web of interdependence, each with their own flaws and strengths. War should always be kept at bay if possible. Problem is, dealing with people who terrorises with venoms is no mean feat.

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Anyway, back to the point on how the malicious queen is feeling...

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With all the accusations flying around, the malicious queen does not know how long she may bite on before she bites... yes... mallards can bite too...

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Happy New Year, Everyone!

How much does it take for that mallard to keep its sanity?

Things have been getting a little too much to handle recently. While S is questioning where my strong self had gone to, I am finding the weak side expanding bigger than ever. Correspondingly, the strong side is dimming exponentially. As part of me try to keep the spirit up in looking forward for each day's new starts, I cannot help but feel that I am playing losing games with each day's end...

On one hand, I seem to be in control of all the fuzz at work, but the fact is that I am finding it increasingly too much of a struggle. Just keeping up with the people relations and politics involved is a big drain on my spirit and energy. Well, to start with, I've always known that I am not good at that game, and to engage in a game I am not good at is definitely not me.

There was a time when people relations were such a cruise that it had been my foremost motivation. Everyone was nice then. However, for reasons unknown to me, things had seem to be failing tremendously recently. At the pressure to perform, battles of egos were started.

Suddenly, there were pulls of support cliques. People who never were that pal-ly suddenly became inseparable. People are behaving in bizarre manners, and caustic remarks made. Yes, there are times when I guess I too, am guilty of succumbing to the exchanges. And there were other times when there exist overwhelming urges to just scream at the next person who'd cross my path. Thankfully though, I have managed to combat the explosives in time. I guess losing control is the last thing I would want to happen. It will definitely not be very pretty.

But I am seeing my hair in a little more mess than usual lately.

Wonder how the mallard can uphold its calm whilst paddling furiously under water. It must have been great distress to be under that load of stress and yet keep on a pretty front. How did it keep the toil and maintain its sanity?
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A Confused World

There are just too many things I do not understand.

Earlier, I was talking to my MD with regards to some work issues and he was ranting about how he's finger-pointed at when things go wrong. While I was quick to suggest that the root of problems are clear, he looked at me and went, "Frances, things do not always work on facts...."

And so, he went on and on about the ironies of the world while we stood, watching him dump his Fortune magazines. I was so tempted to ask if I can clear them off for him instead.. geez.... what waste... they could make some good toilet entertainment... =p

Oh, where were we?

Yes. What perplexing world we live in.

More often than not, I have unwittingly become a bystander, making observations and trying to make sense of what this complex world entails. I guess I must have been a little dim...

"things do not always work on facts..."
Sounds so logical, yet incomprehensible, I can't seem to grasp the formula idea behind it.

I mean.... They don't? Yah... they don't always work on my supposed logic sometimes.... but what are facts & logic then if they are not how things work by.... aiyah.... so confusing... gosh! if things don't work by them, then that defeats their definitions. Hence, they should not be what they are.... Huh?

See.. now I don't even know what I am talking about.
Oh boy... I am confused!
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Taking time to be thankful in yet another Yuletide...

Kinda hard to believe another year is drawing to a close.

Been really busied with series of activities & happenings the past weeks (which well explains the entry absence since..... more than a month back?) There seems to have been more of everything: some pleasant, while others..... ermmm... more challenging... and of course, there are the perplexing ones... (persistent trait of mine? or still not very savvy with time?)

It's X'mas eve, and really not a great time to be churning reports... Have hence decided to take a little time to say a thankful prayer for the goodness treading on 2006 had presented...

One, nicer Colleagues.

Not that the colleagues I'd met prior weren't nice... But I guess the batch who gathered over the last year had become more fun.... We had a little gathering with the colleagues out-of-the-office yesterday. While we played mass games & held small talks, it was heart-warming to know that there are colleagues who are willing to fellowship beyond professional relations to build friendships. Heaping work professionalism on friendships has its danger, but I suppose nurturing friendships out of work relations has a beauty of its own...

That brings point two: The friendships established with people who are willing to give me a boost when goings get tough over the year. Sure, things aren't always a bed of roses. And for one inept kid like me, things get even tougher than tough.

Thanks to people like EKH*, the more savvy guru who is always spot on with his observations & willing to share his thoughts and advices... And people like F, who would sing praises that helped ascertain my esteem... the power of good words really should not be undermined...

Of course, for the blessing of good girlfriends who would watch shows with me, hear me rant, talk to me, drop messages, & share their experiences with me. The affinity that was sealed had, I suppose, bonded even further with age.

With the advent of 2007, I cannot help but wonder what more is to come... I'd surely hope there are less perplexing happenings!
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Naive, Ingenuous, Old-Fashion.... *shrug* whatever....

And so, someone looked at me with suspicion and asked if I have been told of being naive... and idealistic...

I wonder if I should hold one synonymous to the other. hmmm.... anyway...

No. No. I am not offended, but I thought it interesting that anyone should say that of me... In any case, I think that frees me from complexity, artifice and the pretentiousness of the world.. and I actually think that sounds great! Okay, that's probably living out of the realm of the practical world, but who cares, really?

Who wants to live in a dog eat dog world where your ears get snapped at if you were to be just a tad careless... If being alienated from the guile and sham of the world, can make anyone any happier, I'll love to be it.

It may be the IN thing to be the highly effective person, but.... Call me ingenuous, (or be mean and call me an old fogey escapist) but I think it's ingenious to live in a little ideal and pampered world where I do not have to try means striving to be that most effective being, functioning in what is called the practical world...

I guess my utopia is a tad different from the others then. While everyone is pursuing the IN labyrinth, the oddball's pursuit is in effective felicity...
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A Blissful start

Yesterday marks the start of my embarking on the start of another year in my life. In face of stepping past quarter-life... Should I, like Hong, subscribe to self-psyche 24, 24, 24? or be like CJ, convinced that the term mid-twenties equals 25, 26, 27, 28 & 29? Woo....perplexing number interpretations.... anyway....

Although I was half in dread at the prospect of turning my back on the last Q, and entering the new one, the phasing in to the other side was surprisingly pleasant. Thanks to the thoughtfulness of EKH, a group of people was gathered to do a little German dinner on Friday with cheer. The delights of the evening dispelled the dread of having to decide how to take on the two and past 5 ageing figure.

Nothing beats a good company. My heart's deepest appreciation goes to the people who had accompanied me through Friday and Saturday to spend a little time. BIG thanks to my good friend, Hong, for spending the whole half of the Saturday with me in glee even though bogged with tireness from your other commitments... Girlfriends are really fantastic beings.... And of cos, to SH too for travelling down from Seng Kang... Hong told me it ain't that on-the-way really.... so yes, I do think I owe you one big THANKS too!

For a long time since school time, I have never felt as remembered. Really, at that moment's freeze, the thoughts and the little touch of love communicated had bless me greatly.

The unanticipated showers of little gifts - from girlie stuffs like chains & pendant, Bloom toiletries that cannot be found in S'pore, and a bag, to a book & gadget-y MuVo for pleasure - had sure been overwhelming. Not forgetting too, the cards and texts that came in on the day actual...

It seemed that the new Q started on a blissful note (at least for me) and I do hope the good start will sustain through the coming days. It would never have been possible if not for the affection of the people who tread on the path with me. Thanks a bunch, Everyone!
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Closing the end of my Q-life

By the next weekend, I will have to close the chapter on my quarter life, and proceed on to start the next Q. Although in the face of turning away from 25, I still feel every much a sophomore. Oblivion, ignorance and rawness seem to have gotten stuck and sealed pretty comfortably, refusing to wean off..

Was at a gathering with a few Uni classmates last week. Everyone seems so grown up, with conversation topics revolving round getting flats, renovations, and (gasp!) pre-natal classes... I was even corrected for making politically wrong statements, that well, just came to mind and shot out of my mouth without much considering... Sometimes, it is really tiring to have a thing too many to consider....

Before long, I was in half-comatose mode, crippled from picking up points they were making. I guess I was in a way, unable to imagine myself at that point of time, being so "grown-up". Has it been pure mal-nutrition? Or the complacency that comes with being in the comfort zone that has caused impedence to my quest in reaching the levels of my peers?

Ah well... too much to think... I guess I am really just a simple little girl within. Glad to be secluded from the complexities of the world. It always seem to me that reality is hidden away in a fog. The intricate yet perplexing world of the human world bewilders me and makes me cautious about lying on any false serenity. Yet, being able to exist in security-quintessence without having to be penalised for my carelessness is my greatest desire.

Harassed by the different direction pulls between the expectations of treading in the grown-up world in the next chapter, and being at peace with inert, I guess I am sounding increasingly confused as an all-glitched-up girl.

Well, I guess I cannot stop what's coming. Carpe Diem is the way to go for time passes whether one likes it or not. And it goes without any chance for "constructive regrets". Hence, I think I should make my life count. Going on, I guess I still want to be a guileless child at heart, as I pop my head in to understand what that grown-up world entails. Careful only to let my life be a blessing, and not be sapped into morasses...
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