Making sense, making choice...

A must-read for all in the dating game.... http://www.davenevins.com/loveofgod/topics/more/soulmate_choice.htm

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Designless New Year: 是盼望？ 是徬徨?

As a little child, I'd look forward to mark the last page of the calendar. This page is the most exciting cos it marks the clearing of yet another brain wringing exams and one less to go... okie... that doesn't sound that exciting on hindsight... but getting through those hated exams were measureable milestones then... And so I go, looking forward to each year's end, and to proceed from level primary school, secondary school, to college, and to university - all in the pursuit to be the dough within the (hopefully) better cookie-cutter.

Yes, I admit, I was never that over-achieving aspirant who strive to be sticking out in non-conformity... although somehow, i still ended on the wrong side of the mill and for most times...

Ah well, so there we go again. 01-01. Another new year.

My friends around me are climbing milestones in their lives - chew with new baby adidas, hong with her new life to look forward to with her beng, tan tan, the manager in the making, xilin working to be crowned with the flimsy looking PhD mortar board, etc etc...

and I? I see no milestones in sight (sounds so 徬徨!)... yes.. very much like the economist's chart of today...

Anyway, to start my 01-01-09, X transmitted his devotional lesson #1 to me via MSN. Its essence being: Everything at His time.

未曾清楚神的旨意之前，不要跑得太快
恐怕你跑错路

No milestones in sight, and so be it. Dashing around for a milestone may just end up in naught... like how we sometimes take things into our own hands and think we need to act, when really we don't.... Take time to savour & enjoy each day. Keep the little anxious monkey caged. One step at a time. Surely, in every bulb, there is a flower, and every seed a promised tree awaiting to grow, that you & I cannot see.... there is just no way to force the flower out of the bulb, or the tree out of the apple seed... (that is 盼望, right?)

Ok, Ok. So, let's just pray that I will find myself in a respectable (next-stage) cookie-cutter towards a yummi-licious apple cookie, and not some lump of dough out of the mill near the trash-can....

Gosh! I must be hungry.... talking sprouting no-sense again.... and yes, there is no resolution... as usual...

Just a Happy New Year to all ! =)
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Ripped off Today's paper - 同心才能同行

邁向理想旅程的首要燃料

家是愛的港灣,
在愛里沒有懼怕 -
懼怕任何人的批評,讥笑,責罵
所謂港灣不就是被呵護的地方嗎?

愛的港灣里應只有尊重和鼓勵
只有在港灣被添了上等好油的船
才能更順暢的游向理想的旅程...

Cloudy days, Cloudy thoughts...

What am i suppose to feel when i am not talked to? - That i cannot be taken seriously.

What am i suppose to feel when things had to be secret to me? - That I cannot be trusted.

What am i suppose to feel when i strike a conversation, but am viewed with contempt? - That I am no equal, but an inferior.

What am i suppose to feel when tears are welling within, but people around are turning up the volume of the radio? - That nobody really bothers.

Happened to read about the guy behind ABC Learning Centre on the papers last night. The press wrote that he has a wife who was not this confidante. I kept reading and re-reading that line, and feel so (very) sad for the family who had tried so hard to keep a front. There was a time they had everything but they failed eventually - and hard. I guess that was no surprise. There can be little success when the try is too hard without real love.... the consequences just had domino-al effects that simply sends life's successes into crumbles...
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2 Hours Way Home Under the Weeping Skies

The lives of people who are showily in bliss: The sour-grapers said they are, but pretenses under which imperfections hide well. I think it is an ideal of lives filled with love, above which, covers and surpasses imperfections.

I am addicted to reading - blogs or FB - about the lives of people who are showily in bliss, wondering what exactly they have done that I haven't to be able to savour such. With age, ideals scarily fade.

On a journey 2 hours,
Trodding in stupor & daze.
Under the weeping skies and looking up,
Wondered if my best was not up to mark.
Perhaps the tears of heavens are blase,
So, i've failed to catch its ideal ace.

But what is to be done that have not been?
None could hear the thoughts.
Who can cast that fear?
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The 21-year-old's worry for the older girl….

And there I sat in contemplation….

"I worry for you, man", he says.

Why be dragged down and entangled doing courses? Doing that at this age is only catastrophic to the mating game. Don the heels, and bask under the sun! Nab a guy of a really good character, and it will be like winning ten degrees!

“If a girl was to say she would stay home and depends on me, I will work my guts out for her”, so says the 21-year-old. He said I ought to trust him for the representation he has made about his kind, cos' he is one himself....

It may be generation gap, or clearly that not all humankind thinks the same.

For there exists a guy who looked in cynicism and explains matter-of-factly that "YOU-and-I" have to work for there is nothing free.

Who then, ought to be worried?
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Unable to concede to a life ran out of the mill

不甘于頻繁 ,
不甘于暗淡人生 ,
不甘于無法掌握完美.

為什麼不能有更多的機會？
為什麼不能有更好的心声?
难道不是最好的，就不能有更好的吗?
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Ripped off from somebody's blog....

We tend to be short-sighted and self-absorbed.

We forget that God's primary goal is not changing our situations and relationships so that we can be happy, but changing us through our situations and relationships so that we will be holy.

We need people who love God and us enough to come alongside and help us deal with our spiritual myopia.

~Paul David Tripp~
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The INTj living in a world of my own odd conception...

Did a personality test yesterday, and the result yielded an INTj (Introvert, iNtuitive, Thinking, and judging - The Analyst - The Intratim). The descriptions attached to such a profile is not anything too far off from what I can identify with, but I've got to declare that I am not an exact mould out of the traits defined. I guess that's because I've always had a flair for conceiving ideas of myself and living it out in my own ways... ahem...



...such flair... so much so that this INTj is often misunderstood and kept away from...

An idle mind is potent.

Once in a while, my mind would drift to the people whom I've grown up with. Mostly of those who I have spent my formative years with weekends after weekends. I guess I did look forward to weekends then because of them despite the business. But I guess it was all just an one-sided affair... or perhaps, no one really take another so seriously. Why the need? Carpe Diem! and just enjoy the company ! Whatever and whoever is present.

Sometimes, I'd hope I can go back in time, and savor the fellowships with those same familarities - the weekend meetings and plannings, the dinners, the tennis games, the movies, the singing, the sharing, the lunches, the exploring, the celebrations, the prayings - but things will never be the same anymore. Ever.

The day I walked out of the library screaming at the indignance of the holy-elitists, I should have known that there can be no be co-existence, save for a nod and an awkward smile.

The day I walked out of the meetings, and refused all calls, I should have known my presence will be swallowed by my label as an incomprehensible and emotionally-erratic screwball, preferred not to be mentioned and sucked into the tunnel of memory extinction. Not remembered, but remembers.

Amazing how God planned affinities and relationships. Amazing how I never fail to flop them - and all. Nowadays, weekends are spent, shaking hands with different strangers every week. No-one looks familiar anymore. I wonder if it was due to my aging amnesic brain, but it's always new faces, and new names every week. Too much for one who had preference for all things within comfort zone. Minus the need for emotional connects, this is a fine idea thus far. It saves me from wrecking more.

Indeed, I'd be better off living in the little odd zone of my own.....

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