Where to be at the Last Moments

My boss dropped by my cube looking for a little kit-kat time, and he chose to start the conversation with the morbid topic of his BIL seeing a psychiatrist because he had been stressed out by the consecutive death news of his friends. In what must have been an ultimate manner of a frozen cucumber (hah!), I spurt out the cliché "just go when it's time to go." There really is no need to be too obstinate or affected by what cannot be controlled.

Having that come from the seeming control-freak, he raised an eye-brow and probed: "what will you do if you know tomorrow is going to be your last?"

Without missing a beat, the stoic cucumber assured him that I will still be back at work even if tomorrow is going to be my last. I did not think my answer was meant to be a bootlicking statement until he paused for a second too long, batted his eyes and slipped onto my visitor’s chair, saying he will be happy to hear that as a boss, but found it worth a concern as a colleague. I read his message, and from the frozen silence in the air, I can almost hear brain waves from the surrounding cubicles signaling brows to rise .

I felt compelled to look up from my half-written email, and asked him what he would do instead.

He tried to sound news-worthy: “Most people would want to spend their last days with their loved ones”.  As if proud to be one conforming to the majority, he said that he too, would gather all his loved ones and have a very good (read: expensive) meal. 

Loved ones? My head went into google-mode for those two words and found them in the class of dream luxury that I can only salivate with envy and probably won’t get to bask in. Call me callous, but I looked at him, blinked, and found no more honest answer than to re-iterated, “I will still be here.”

I did not elaborate then, but at the last moments, I suppose there is just too little time to indulge in superficial exchanges with people to whom I am but a contemptuous excess. It might make more sense to just complete well whatever had been in original plan… 

Okay, I know that's probably a little hard to swallow, though yes, everyone should have the fortune of spending their last moments with families - and maybe friends (if they might spare the time) - who can truly be called beloved.

Not everyone can have a share in the same pleasures.