the odd little duckling in ruffled fluff: The New Year

Every year, TS would drop cheeky Christmas jingles she'd compose in reply to my greetings. This year, it was sorely missed and I dropped her a text to ask howdy. A day after, she replied to tell of how stressed she was without all the nurses and assistants. All of them were coincidentally either out on planned or emergency leave for the week. Imagine the dentist taking queue number, rummaging for info cards, digging teeth with drills, and replying my text... I cannot quite imagine the picture, but I guess I can imagine the stress. WH also texted a day after Christmas with news of coming down with chicken pox over the festive season. It must have been dreadful.

The good thing is that his text this afternoon was more cheery, and he is anticipating himself to be up and out by the weekends. It has been a week, and I guess TS must have had her nurses and aides back by now...

Retrospectively, it did not seem a bad idea that the lousy experiences were bore over and left in 2009. It seems to make the step into the new year sweeter and more hopeful. Almost like how the financial market is inching towards a new high at the year's end. It seemed like a struggle, but it's pushing the heights. A stark contrast to the dumps it was in earlier in the year...

Earlier in December, I met up with E* for dinner, and he commented that I have not been updating the blog. Aside from having been caught by a little depression bug, being caught up with work and getting stressed over not being disciplined enough with my self-study, I have in reality, been logging in to read the updates of other people's blog entries. I was stumped in awe by the dazzlingly blissful lives people are living. As I surfed past my supposedly-dazzling 29th with sad realisation that I have lived the last (one year short of) three decades of my life without much sheen, I was tempted once again to whine and gripe. However, I am kinda resistance to jot another moan and groan.

Well, 2009 has not been life's best dream for me, but it has been pretty experiential, i guess. Minutes into the new year, I am still wondering what kind of road I am treading on, and what is in store for me.

A month or so ago, I was listening to some online sermon and was reminded that the God that I had vowed to put my trust in is a God who makes no mistakes (I mean, that is but of course la, if not, it would have been a mistake, isn't it? But I am that lousy, faithless little human..). And while I leaf through some wedding sheets and cards to help sis's friend find some appropriate wedding songs, I came across Terch's wedding invite many years ago inscribed with the beautiful quote saying "Life's coincidences are God's planned miracles". Faithless was I, but He was and is still in control. I guess these are little knock-knock-hellos on my head to look up and remember...

Entering into the new year, I am glad that I can count the little blessings that I have been bestowed with in the midst of the little storms and gales that I underwent through the year. The new friend I've made who would pray for me, the old-time friendships reconnected (Sab and Tuan who would hear my stories with no slightest impatience or criticism but words of encouragement) and rekindled (thanks, jeff for being able to be so frank and tell me straight in the face how ghor-tuck i am... appreciate the honesty, really!), and the old bulwarks who had stood by, being a constant company to the theatres, dinners, teas and chats (muacks, Hong!), and bearing my nonsenses - like obliging me in my long old grandmother's stories that finds no conclusion every once in a while and exploring unchartered territories for cakes and scenes! (thanks, E*! The evening was fun! Can we do that again? Heh..)

Yea, I had my share of depressive and abnormally imbalanced times, but i can't seem to remember what had exactly gone wrong. Yea.. talk of about selective amnesia... All that would come to mind now is how I have been kept on the look-out. Didn't sound too bad that the wretched past in 2009 can be left behind and I can step into the new 2010 on a better footing. Sure, I can do without some episodes and mistakes, but some things are like chickenpox, I guess - one just gotta get through and be over with it.

Glad that I can leave certain things in 2009, and I am contented for the willing instruments of blessings. It's another new year (arghh!! how time is flying by!), but I guess there are things that need no change... heh...