By the next weekend, I will have to close the chapter on my quarter life, and proceed on to start the next Q. Although in the face of turning away from 25, I still feel every much a sophomore. Oblivion, ignorance and rawness seem to have gotten stuck and sealed pretty comfortably, refusing to wean off..
Was at a gathering with a few Uni classmates last week. Everyone seems so grown up, with conversation topics revolving round getting flats, renovations, and (gasp!) pre-natal classes... I was even corrected for making politically wrong statements, that well, just came to mind and shot out of my mouth without much considering... Sometimes, it is really tiring to have a thing too many to consider....
Before long, I was in half-comatose mode, crippled from picking up points they were making. I guess I was in a way, unable to imagine myself at that point of time, being so "grown-up". Has it been pure mal-nutrition? Or the complacency that comes with being in the comfort zone that has caused impedence to my quest in reaching the levels of my peers?
Ah well... too much to think... I guess I am really just a simple little girl within. Glad to be secluded from the complexities of the world. It always seem to me that reality is hidden away in a fog. The intricate yet perplexing world of the human world bewilders me and makes me cautious about lying on any false serenity. Yet, being able to exist in security-quintessence without having to be penalised for my carelessness is my greatest desire.
Harassed by the different direction pulls between the expectations of treading in the grown-up world in the next chapter, and being at peace with inert, I guess I am sounding increasingly confused as an all-glitched-up girl.
Well, I guess I cannot stop what's coming. Carpe Diem is the way to go for time passes whether one likes it or not. And it goes without any chance for "constructive regrets". Hence, I think I should make my life count. Going on, I guess I still want to be a guileless child at heart, as I pop my head in to understand what that grown-up world entails. Careful only to let my life be a blessing, and not be sapped into morasses...
*
*
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Saturday, October 14, 2006
The Lions may roar, but I guess I am still lack of no good things...
At a really short notice, I was sent packing on my first biz meeting across the Pacific through the last two weekends. Prior to my trip, everyone's asking if I was excited then. Frankly, I was then with mixed mix feelings as I prepare for the trip... Well, there was, of course, some sort of excitement and trepidation at the uncertainties. Then, there was, looming on top, a stormy dark cloud of unhappiness from fellow colleagues who did not think it reasonable at all that I should leave. Seriously, I do not mind the former feelings , but the latter was what affected me most.
Sensing my depressed and despaired mood, I am glad I have yet another group of colleagues & friends who would spend time to hear my grievances. Sometimes, I look back and think if it is right, for I will inevitably turn bitchy and affect their impressions of other parties mentioned in my rant, but to have the channel to pour things out was indeed comforting - at least at that moment. That vent kinda calm me down a little and disallowed me to channel energies in trying to go round in negative circles within.
As there was just two girls being sent out for the meeting this time, the concerns from fellow colleagues was more apparent than usual. We had different colleagues coming up to us with various advices, maps and reminders. Even up till late evening before our departure, we had printed maps, lists of places to go and texts sent our way. Through the trip, the two clueless girls received more tips from emails and texts. Boy, the feeling was endearing ...
I am glad that HShan was my travel companion this time, cos we kinda give each other courage to turn gung-ho and maximise our exposure through the short stint. It helped also that we share the same sweet tooth.
Looking back, even though there was roaring displeasures that haunted me at the advent of my trip, things just turned out fine with the love and concerns showered by many others who cared. Gus & Ting reminded me once more last week that things may get tough, but I still do have people who are concerned. Their very statement was in itself, great pacifying lift to whatever darkness I was feeling then... Thanks, people,
Sensing my depressed and despaired mood, I am glad I have yet another group of colleagues & friends who would spend time to hear my grievances. Sometimes, I look back and think if it is right, for I will inevitably turn bitchy and affect their impressions of other parties mentioned in my rant, but to have the channel to pour things out was indeed comforting - at least at that moment. That vent kinda calm me down a little and disallowed me to channel energies in trying to go round in negative circles within.
As there was just two girls being sent out for the meeting this time, the concerns from fellow colleagues was more apparent than usual. We had different colleagues coming up to us with various advices, maps and reminders. Even up till late evening before our departure, we had printed maps, lists of places to go and texts sent our way. Through the trip, the two clueless girls received more tips from emails and texts. Boy, the feeling was endearing ...
I am glad that HShan was my travel companion this time, cos we kinda give each other courage to turn gung-ho and maximise our exposure through the short stint. It helped also that we share the same sweet tooth.
Looking back, even though there was roaring displeasures that haunted me at the advent of my trip, things just turned out fine with the love and concerns showered by many others who cared. Gus & Ting reminded me once more last week that things may get tough, but I still do have people who are concerned. Their very statement was in itself, great pacifying lift to whatever darkness I was feeling then... Thanks, people,
I think I am a blessed gal. Period.
*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)