Started off pretty well... I mean... well, Fridays are, afterall, supposedly the most looked-forward-to day.
However, this friday was spoilt by a meeting that refused to let me retreat from the day in peace. Well, I have nothing against long meetings, really. If the objectives are met, and the duties duly executed to ensure peace in the future, what's the harm of a little current sacrifice? Where I work, most people are gripped by a hard-boiled drive that few can rival. (ahem.... :p ) That is probably one of the reason why I think I really loved working with them.
Nonetheless, things are never ideal, and not everyone shares my sentiments. I guess I've got a little perfectionist freak in me that sometime overwhelms me against such people. This freak is intolerant, overbearing, impatient, and always refuses to take things a little easier. That's it! It just cause me to lose it..... and let control slip....
This is what happened:
We were having a little conference room pilot (aka CRP) on a new system change that is to be implemented. As always, there were imperfections. (Although I still cannot bring myself to buy that, this is supposedly perfectly normal and acceptable according to the MIS people.)
The exercise was held over two continents, with representatives from our counterparts overseas and in Singapore.
After being plagued by the numerous problems in the current database, I am actually pretty excited at the thought of a new system. One that will allow us to start on a clean, new slate. Lo and behold, however, I soon realised in the tests that similar (if not, worse) problems exist. The whole idea of having a session like CRP is to perform tests and ensure the program works to its perfection at least in the expected scenerios. Thing is, people are not willing to put high enough priorities on perfecting it.
Sure, some problems are apparent no show-stoppers at present. But have we not learnt from experience? The no-show-stoppers today often becomes the out-of-sync actors tomorrow that ruin the whole show... all because of the refusal to see the implications that come together with it so as to make the program look like a success. Even though the implications were an acknowledged fact, lines were drawn and situations contained to conveniently exclude them. To me, that defeats the whole objective of the CRP exercise to start with.
There came a point where there was yet another intent to walk over a problem with supposed walk-arounds that a fellow colleague found, based on a specific situation she encountered. Being an active user of the current system, and having been in numerous problem-solving sessions on the system, though I can't say that I know the system in its totality, I dare say however, that I am more familiar with the system implications than any of my team-mates. With that, I have my concerns on deciding walk-arounds based on a singular encounter that is not proven logically consistent. I did not think I should downplay anybody's finding and sought to try explaining or getting an explanation offline. I thought then as a sign of respect, I should obtain a consensus and better understanding internally first before presenting the case to the mass.
What I got instead was accusations that I have not read the log of the situation encountered. My team mate got grossly irritated, and voices were raised. I felt intensely wronged (and equally annoyed too) since I'd really thought I understood perfectly what happened. As I tried fighting my case, I found myself disabled of presenting my case eloquently. Fact is, my thought trend got disturbed in the turbulence and I subconsciously raised my voice over hers to push the thoughts... I started to make little sense, I suspect, and my image totally tarnished at that instance. All under the scrutiny of the colleagues from the other departments. Worse - point was not put acrossed... I was disrupted over and again and the point simply vanished.
As I finally cloistered out to try do a quick collection, she left under the approval of my boss, who was probably pretty bewildered at his two screaming bull-heads... It was only when I felt a sore in my throat later, did it dawn upon me that I've probably overdid it. When I apologised to boss thereafter for putting him at a spot, he gave me a lesson or two for not being able to handle the situation well enough...
I've to admit then that I've been too careless. An observer of the incident expounded later that none of us had allowed to let each complete our sentences and we simply jumped at each other. I just thought on hindsight that the circumstance then was simply too stressful for me to handle.
Indeed, I have failed to contain the scene and it was a failure on my end. Perhaps it is that mis-fitted prig in me that is acting, but after multiple reasonings within, I still cannot fault my point. Even after some tests, I'd still found my arguement proven valid. If only I can douse the fire and present my case across rightly and quickly enough then, instead of getting myself fuelled in the fiery exchanges....
With this, it seemed to suggest that I am a loser in garnering support of the people around. My initial gut that I was working with a group of people sharing the same drive is perhaps unfounded... I am even starting to have an uncanny suspicion that there are people there who hates me to the core. Whatever....
Well, best as I might try, but I guess life's like that... I can't always meet all the people I like and who will all like me....
How am I to present myself to these people then?
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