Maybe knowing I don't know is part of getting through...

I thought I did what's right

I thought I had the answers

I thought I chose the surest road

But that road brought me here

So I put up a fight

And told You how to help me

Now just when I have given up

The truth is coming clear

You know better than I

You know the way

I've let go the need to know why

For You know better than I

If this has been a test

I cannot see the reason

But maybe knowing I don't know

Is part of getting through

I try to do what's best

And faith has made it easy

To see the best thing I can do

Is put my trust in You

For you know better than I

You know the way

I've let go the need to know why

For You know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky

I saw a bird and thought that I could follow

But it was You who taught that bird to fly

If I let You reach me, will You teach me?

For You know better than I

You know the way

I've let go the need to know why

I'll take what answers You supply

You know better than I

-

-

(Better Than I David Campbell Joseph: King of Dreams )

Sitting alone, much thoughts would flood my mind. I wonder if I am getting old, I have too out-of the-world expectations, or that I have always been one who simply ponder things a tad more than it might be necessary. It like.... kneading a small dough of matters and transforming it into a big roti-prata of implications that I soon realise that I am absolutely inapt to digest.... (ok, sounds crappy...anyway...)

Perhaps, really, knowing "I don't know" is part of getting through...

There are time when it seems leading a secular life without concern for the existence of God and His will is easy.... but if we'd behave as if there's no God, we'd better be right....

Then again, the knowledge of a God who has sovereign control is comforting. It gives hope that even not knowing, I'll be able to get through because He knows better than I.... So how do I let go of the need to know "why"? .............and "how"?

*

Taking leave...

As children, we loved holidays. School's out, and it's time free to own... ok, except for the holiday assignments. The best times were those breaks in kindy and uni. No homework, no holiday assignments... basically, just time on our own - simply to relax and recharge - then start everything afresh.

Growing up, taking leave from routines are no longer as carefree. The people in the adult world take leave from routines, only to satisfy other's expectations. They flock away from home, rush through places, taking pictures. Don't be mistaken. I have nothing against picture taking. In fact, I like taking pictures. They are memories to which are extremely valuable especially for people like me who's showing early signs of alzheimer... Neither am I against going on overseas trip, taking time to explore the world, away from the familiarities and being intoxicated in THE mood.... ah.....

But some people do not share the same reason. The pictures, are to them, evidence of having spent the bucks. All so that the "so, where have you been?" question asked at the pantry may be answered with pride. They shoot quizzical looks when I say I am staying home on my leave days.... Adults are weird creatures...

Nontheless, I took leave from work today as I did not think it a good idea to start the 27th year of life half-panting in the rat-race. It was nice to be able to wake up without the alarm clocking crying above the head, laze about, select and read the papers, have lunch at time past noon, take a cuppa, fiddle the piano, gamed a little, nap a little, and basically just let the day pass in leisure. No fuss, no faze. Simply nuah....

It might have been just a little more perfect if there were no emails, and reports to send.... and I can start everything afresh when I return from the break.... Taking leave from routines sure ain't the same anymore.... there can be no fresh new starts after the break. (Hopefully) Just a refreshed spirit. And now, back to the same work again.....
*
*