The heart of the matter is the matter of the heart

Last Sunday's sermon topic was "A Season for Marriage". Even as I thought I'd probably be falling asleep over such a topic, the preacher has sensitively started the sermon with talks of how the singles should approach courtship and such. Okay... I've probably not been so touched by anyone worthy thus far, but who knows? It may become applicable one day... I think I've still got some charm, right? (I'd hope) Better straighten my back and listen well...

In the sermon, he mentioned something about the traits to look for in the search of the better half.

One of the traits he mentioned was that of self-sacrifice. He encouraged the single ladies to look out for the single guys who would later stay back after the service to help move the chairs (we are at a borrowed school compound currently, you see, so it is essential to be considerate and return the place in its original conditions after Sunday).

The interesting phenomenon that followed thus was unbelieveable: A lot more people than usual stayed back after the service to help move the chairs. There were so many people hanging around the hall that I have a bit of problem maneuvering my way out of the place. (I've never liked staying in crowds, you see...)

Anyway, I think these people have missed the whole point.

The actions of self-sacrifice should find its springhead from the heart, without any ulterior motives to gains of anything in particular. The heart of the matter is really, the matter of the heart. It is really not what one does at that instance to prove anyone anything. Fact is, I never believed in proving anyone anything. Whatever one does, it should be because he/she really think he'd want to do it. Else, one may turn grossly disappointed or bitter because an un-met expectation was involved.

A good friend had a huge crush over a colleague some time back. That experience kinda weighed her down a lot then. Along the way, she realised however, that there was yet another colleague who is always patiently listening to her, and admolishing her at other times, but out of genuine concern and care. I believe it was this relentless TLC that made her go kinda "warm and fuzzy" (quoting her today *wink*) inside over time.

No. It's not easy at all. Human being humans, we are more self-centred than we'd like to think we are. More oft, we have our own little hidden agendas when we make efforts to execute what seemed a good deed. But how long can it persist?

That is why I am sometimes very put off by people who sashay around in the holy-joe garb. Everything that was done just have a double wham of negative vibes cos they were never that convinced of doing it. Weird how I do get pretty sensitive about such negative vibes... hah!

It is the works that spring from the commitment and motivation of lifting another person up that can stand through circumstances and time. What comes in return will be a gift in itself, sweeter than if hoped for or expected, I suppose....

Perhaps, I really do have a pretty high expectation on people, but please, there really is not need to crowd the hall if anyone is not really convinced of the obligations....

Saying Adieu....

We said adieu to a fellow colleague who had possibly found her better pastures on Friday. I say "possibly" cos she had not divulged much on her plans after leaving the company. Well, that said, it does seem that we ain't that THAT close actually. Afterall, I do not liaise with her a lot at work, if at all.

However, I still feel a tinge of down-heartedness bidding her farewell.. Recent months, we have been spending much time together as a group out of work, going out on dinners & gathering for activities. Though we do not express it that freely, an unspoken attachment and affinity had somehow been built with the clique over the after-lunch idle chats and playful squabbles. Detaching it suddenly just doesn't makes one feel that great.

At my last visit to my counterpart office in Penang, I was uncannily weighed by some sort of power struggle there. and boy... I was not even suppose to be a part of them! Aren't I glad hence, when it's time to pack my bag and move back after a dreadful two days being caught in scary struggles behind masking smiles. I do not think I can deal with those any longer than that.

Back home, I guess I can place things on the table, and not be caught in any suspicion that people have any ulterior plans to cause me distress. Ermmm... okay, maybe it's not right to be too definite about it, but well, so long I do not know anything otherwise, I guess I am fine...

Take Thursday for example. I was out with a group of fellow colleagues for a tom-yam lunch. As I have never fancied taking rice for lunches, I conveniently rejected the offer to the order, not suspecting that there is no substitute to go with the spice. When the orders came, I've got one colleague who picked up an empty bowl and extra cutlery for me, while another offered some servings of his rice for me.... all without the need for any nudges. Though we kinda laughed it off there and then, I was very much warmed deep inside by their thoughtfulness that had been concretely translated into actions. Being in a place with these people gives me great comfort and I think I am growing pretty attached to such a blessing.

Anyway, back to saying farewell....

Yes, 天下無不散宴席 - no banquets last forever - but it is still difficult to say aye to shifts. Especially so to people whom I've grown to be comfortable with. Haiz... saying goodbyes to familiarities is often to me, like bathos from sublime to a certain extent... Somehow, I will be plagued by a well of emotions and thoughts in such dreaded episodes. Nonetheless, exoduses are oft inevitable and learning to let go is a lesson to start practicing on.

Here's hoping that my colleague dearest will take care and do well in her future endeavors!
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Sleep, Sleep Galore

Haven't blog for almost 3 weeks... Some people thinks it may be a good sign cos that probably means that I've got little to rant about. But I think that's cos I've been a little too caught up with everyday activities, I'm having problem thinking... Most times, I am going through life's motion in a zombed mode.

Much as I do feel that driving oneself too hard is kinda unhealthy sometimes, there are more times when I feel really jittery when I don't check my emails or get on with the tasks sent through the wires.. can't let go.... and can't help but just had to on The Notebook even when home. Before I knew it, I am throwing in more freebies hours to my employer than they bargained for.

I am not particular about it. Afterall, I guess I am still young and can afford a little sacrifice. However, there are times when I feel my thoughts stifled (sounds like good thing that I can still feel... hmmm...) Wonder if it's just me or do people have such experiences too. Problem thinking and thus feeling sometimes... everything just seemed at some instances, mechanical to a certain extent.

To put a stop to this, I refrained from hovering near The Notebook the whole of the Saturday afternoon (save for the routine mail check in the early afternoon... yes, still can't let go...). Still, that required some effort... I think I have developed an addiction to The Notebook...

Spent the Saturday afternoon lazing around, reading the papers and bimbo magazines... Sunday afternoon was spent having sleep, sleep galore. Boy, I didn't know I was feeling so worn out until I had difficulties climbing out of bed after my long coverted nap.

I've been quite a sleepy-head since young. More so do I appreciate the goodness of sleep. Really. Being deprived of it, robs me of my ability to cogitate. I will hence resolve to kick my baneful addictions and get to have more sleep! Say Hurray to more SLEEP!
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